Chronology Expert

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/271081963.html

A rundown of the evening in chronological order:

1. This dude looks at your vagina for the first time. He is then turned on.
   
2. "The final reveal" which I'm guessing is when you take you finally take your panties off, which seems to contradict what just happened.
3. You won't know what to expect
4. You expect explosive orgasms. Many.
5. You don't know what will happen.
6. You read what will happen online and you're naked with this dude so you'd have to be retarded not to know what's going to happen.
7. Despite the fact that the author knows you may be nervous, he "want[s] to make you feel like a sex object or even as a piece of meat."
8. Despite the fact that the final reveal has already taken place, the author awaits seeing "more of your skin and then your totally naked body." Maybe you're still wearing a scarf or something.
   
9. You have visible goosebumps on your vagina. You should show those to a doctor. Preferably not one you met on CL.
10. "While this is going on I will be wondering what your pussy looks like." Despite the fact that he's seen you naked and specifically your vagina like twice already.
11. "Then I will have you lay on your back while my hands start touching you from head to toe, around your neck, feel in your ass crack and also massage and touch your back. The I will be massaging and touching your before asking you to lay on your back." I mean come on, is he even paying attention?
12. [I won't tell you what happens next]...[I hope you enjoy receiving oral sex]
    

You will get naked and then I will have my way with you :) - m4w (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-271081963@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-30, 11:36PM EST


To start things off, I want to slowly remove your clothing while looking you over. I want to see you in your bra and panties. Then in your panties before the final reveal and I see your pussy for the first time. It will turn me on. You may be nervous or very aroused and have no idea what to expect, but know you want to have many explosive orgasms because you are already incredibly turned on but still have no idea what will happen.

I want to make you feel like a sex object or even as a piece of meat as I eagerly await finally seeing more of your skin and then your totally naked body. How would you feel being naked while I am still dressed. Do you like getting naked because you know how much I want to see your erect nipples, goosebumps on your skin and then your pussy.

While this is going on I will be wondering what your pussy looks like. How will you feel revealing yourself to me knowing that once you are totally nude and in the flesh in front of me, that I will look you over from head to toe. Are you the type to spread your legs and let me look or even though you are an exhibitionist, you are still a bit uncomfortable totally spreading in front of a man you just meet.


Then I will have you lay on your back while my hands start touching you from head to toe, around your neck, feel in your ass crack and also massage and touch your back. The I will be massaging and touching your before asking you to lay on your back. At that point I will ask you to spread your legs and then I will just lay between your legs and look at your pussy before examining and toucing the rest of your body. How will you be feeling at this point. Then I will eventually touch your breasts and nipples and then start touching your inner thigh and then back to your nipples. And now you must be wondering what I will do next, but for you to find out, you must write to me and tell me about yourself and what interests you. But I will tell you, that if you enjoy having your pussy eaten, you will totally enjoy my company.

Great Advice!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/271083974.html

Things I've learned by reading this ad:

1) Whoever used to go down on this woman somehow involved his feet. Maybe this is why she doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex.
2) Guys think women want foreplay but they really want to be tied up.
3) Women don't like flowers. Instead, it would be far less creepy to plant a woman a tree. Women care a lot about the green house effect and not about the fact that, holy shit, why is there an evergreen in the middle of my apartment?
4) Like my mom always told me, if i want a woman to go down on me, wash it off, first, please, keep it CLEAN!! Then maybe we'll (and by we'll, my mom meant herself which was a little scarring) stop playing w. our dildoes and play w. you instead.

The Tease is here to taunt you - w4m - 29

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Reply to: pers-271083974@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-30, 11:41PM EST


Yes, I am teasing you, making you horny, and then running away to hide. But I'll tell you this before you start sending me angry emails...
I have never had AIDS (get tested regularly)
Never had syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV, whatever other sexually transmitted diseases you can think of..so this reading your replies and then deciding to stay home to play with my sex toys thing makes some sense after all. And by the way, I hate feet and I don't like you to go down on me. I'd much rather go down on you. And I'd rather that you tie me to the bed and fuck me like a man to get my juices flowing rather than all this touchy-feely foreplay stuff that you guys think women want. And by the way, don't give us flowers. Plant a tree instead. Flowers die and dont' help the green house effect. And like your mom always told you, if u want a woman to go down on you, wash it off, first, please, keep it CLEAN!!Then maybe we'll stop playing w. our dildoes and play w. you instead. Lick, suck and play while you grab our hair.

I can't work you unless you help me

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/270448688.html

The author of this ad is looking to have very mature and freaky woman who enjoys having a great time. So far, okay.

What becomes weird is the author's frequent use of the word "great."

Great #1: The woman must enjoy having a great time. Great = really good.
Great #2: The woman must want a great man. Great = really good.
Great #3: Said man will pound a great out of your nice tight hold. Great = ?

I'm inclined to say "shit" but I don't know if a man can pound "a shit" out of you. That doesn't sound right. Whatever a great is, he'll pound one, not two, of them out of you. Also, if you're mature and freaky, I doubt that hole is really still tight. Just a guess.

If you're up for losing a great, get at the author one.. Get what at him? I suggest a great.

LET ME WORK YOU - m4w

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Reply to: pers-270448688@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-29, 8:40PM EST


I AM BLACK MALE WHO IS LOOKING TO HAVE VERY MATURE
AND FREAKY WOMAN WHO ENJOYS HAVING A GREAT TIME AND
WOULD LIKE A GREAT MAN TO POUND A GREAT OUT OF YOUR NICE TIGHT HOLE IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT GET AT ME ONE..

Have Fan, Will Travel

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/270521948.html

The author of this ad is either a poet or possesses the same command over English that I have over the ground troups in Afghanistan.

He starts out either bragging about his fan ownership or advising you to have a fan. After all, it is only freezing outside in New York right now, so you really should have a fan.

The author of the ad would like to relax/have a smoke party/just hang out/enjoy the moment. Why? Because he loves to party with you rock and roll.

Either rock and roll is an adverb, describing how he loves to party with you, or it is the object of the pronoun you. He loves to party with you, the living essence of rock and roll. On the off chance that Bill Haley or an ethereal spirit representing rock is reading CL at quarter to midnight on a Monday, they should be flattered.

The author is a white man. He either wants you to come to him or he is advertising that he is in possession of sperm. The latter, I guess, is crucial for you to just enjoy the moment at the smoke party.

love to party with you rock and roll - m4w - 35

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Reply to: pers-270521948@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-29, 11:42PM EST


have fan
would like to relax have a smoke party
just hang out enjoy the moment
wm
come

The Smallest Loser

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/270134983.html

Do you really want to win a flattest chest contest? At the age of 50, I'm sure the author of this ad gets hot by being with a woman at all, so turning this dude on shouldn't be too much of a challenge.

Also, did the author need to say women only? Like maybe some dude would say "Hey! I don't have boobs at all! Where's my romantic dinner?" And legally, the author would be forced to take Joe Shmo with a flat chest to a candlelit dinner at Per Se.

This man is smart. That's why he doing this search.

Flattest chest contest (women ONLY) - m4w - 50 (Upper East Side)

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Reply to: pers-270134983@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-29, 11:40AM EST


I get hot by being with a woman who has tiny boobs. So that's why I doing my search. The prize by the way is a romantic, sexy dinner at the restaurant of your choice. If you are cute and flat enough, you can even pick the city outside of NYC, or we can do it here. I'm a 6'2", 190, athletic and attractive guy. Totally D&D free, smart, fun and funny and serious about this.

Sweetpea

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/270144163.html

The author of this ad is a regular guy who just happens to love the taste of female pee. There's no correlation between his looks, generosity, and taste for urine. It's just how it randomly ended up on this side of the veil of ignorance.

However, not all pee tastes the same. First of all, if it's not from the source, it'll taste unfresh and lukewarm as opposed to crisp and pee warm. Second, the author won't taste a dude's pee. That's just gross.

your sweet pee - m4w - 36

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Reply to: pers-270144163@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-29, 11:54AM EST


I am a good looking, generous, Manhattan professional who just happens to love to drink a woman's pee straight from the source. If you think you would like to satisfy my craving and would like me to use my mouth to clean you up afterward, maybe we should meet.

Service Disruption

Hey all, sorry about the almost 2 weeks without the Roundup. I've been away from the ranch, but I'm back now.

World's Worst Civil Rights Activist

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/263340210.html

I feel that the Civil Rights movement has fielded a leader whose message and eloquence doesn't really match those of Dr. King.

The bold author of this ad writes another holiday themed sex ad, and I'm not really a fan of those in general. But come on. Martin Luther King day? It's not even like you have the family related stress of Christmas or Thanksgiving to get out of your system. Come now.

Honestly, there's probably a better way to commemorate the work of a civil rights pioneer than coke and vicodin. At the very least, don't limit yourself to drugs that are a white powder and a white pill. If your illegal drugs are all white, then you're missing the whole point of the civil rights movement.

Just likea sermon by Dr. King, the oration ends with an emphatic AMEN... I mean NO MEN.

"I have a Dream" that you are skiing with Me & Tina - m4w - 27

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Reply to: pers-263340210@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-16, 12:06AM EST


I have a dream that 1 day, I will not be judged by the color of my skin, but on the quality of my instruction... I have a dream! Do you Dream?
Plz send pic with response
NO MEN

There's another kind of making out?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/263904848.html

This 29 year old woman is looking for oral making out. Apparently she's sick of making out with her feet and is willing to give her mouth a try. That's just so crazy, it might actually work.

In the body of the ad, the author implies that she is really looking to receive oral sex. Despite the fact that she has lips down there, it's not really like making out. Unless, of course, you make out with people who have no tongue of their own, like free speech advocates in the Middle East or something.

The author writes, "I need help with my insomnia and this is the only way." Really? Is this the only way? Did your doctor sit down with you and say that the only known treatment medically available to you was oral sex? If so, who is this doctor and does he take my insurance?

Lastly, the author mentions that she is an object oriented Asian DOM, Asian DOM++.

ORAL MAKEOUT SESSION........... - w4m - 29

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Reply to: pers-263904848@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-17, 1:19AM EST


Your mouth on MY "LIPS", cant you taste my juices already?

I need help with my insomnia and this is the only way.
(Asian DOM++)

Face pic & d/d free is a MUST
under 35 and live nearby

If you need Microsoft Word to have sex, don't ask that talking paper clip for help.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/263504594.html

This is possibly one of the dumbest ideas I've seen on the site. And I've seen some bad ideas.

So, the author of the ad arrives at your house and says nothing. Creepy? A bit, but whatever. It's somewhat plausible.

Here's where it gets weird: the author has some sort of deaf woman/Stephen Hawking fetish where you have to type the things you want him to do to you. Worse yet, he tells you what he wants you to type. So what's the point of you typing it? Is he turned on by the clickety-clack of the keyboard?

Also, if his face is buried in your chest, how can he read what you're typing on the computer screen? Do your boobs have a screen in them? Can they reflect light? Also, if his head is in your chest, isn't it a bit awkward to be typing? Where is his head relative to your computer desk? This is just poorly thought out.

What's sad is that the author seems to want to take cybersex, a sad sad terrible non-substitute for real sex, and replace elements of real sex with it. That's almost as bad as replacing real smiles with a colon and a closed parenthesis.

On the plus side, if she doesn't speak English, you can use Babelfish to make the casual encounter work. That totally widens your pool.

You type, I lick, you cum - m4w - 28 (Downtown)

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Reply to: pers-263504594@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-16, 11:52AM EST


You're at your computer in panties and a tank top. Your fingers are in your panties, your pussy is soaking. I knock on the door. You let me in. I don't talk. You go back to sitting at your computer. I stand behind you. You start typing on a blank screen. You write: Slip your hand down my panties. In real life, I do. You moan as you feel my touch on your swollen clit. You write: Play with my tits. I teases your nipples over your shirt with my other hand. You write: suck on my tits. I lift your shirt, get between your legs and take your tits in my mouth. You write: slip my panties down. I do. You write: lick my pussy. I do. You open your legs wide for me. My tongue teases your swollen clit.
And so on. Would you be interested in making this real today? Right now? I'm tall, cute, trim, white and ready. You?

I don't think you need to do that

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/263537465.html

The author of this ad is looking for all the sexy, pretty, fat women. I feel like, to a certain extent, this is like looking for all of the dry water or all of the elderly infants. I also feel like it's not like there's one secret underground bunker where sexy, overweight women are hiding. If there was, it would be a large enough bunker that its location wouldn't be too much of a secret.

The author then offers to eat the heavy woman's lunch. Is that really a problem for a woman? If you're a BBW, I'm guessing lunch-eatery isn't a field you need a stranger's help in.

Where are the Sexy, Pretty BBWs? - m4w - 38

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Reply to: pers-263537465@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-16, 12:48PM EST


Black male 38 years old, seeks the company of a curvy, sexy, pretty BBW. I will eat your lunch and kiss your ass real good and then make passionate love to you. Please send your pic and number and let's get together. I have a nice big, black cock and I want to give it to a big, sexy, curvy BBW. Race is unimportant, please be at least 30 yrs old.

Casual Encounters Was Our Thing

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/261301393.html

When I was in college, I dated a girl. She and I always rented the same video from the video store and watched it together. It was our thing. After we broke up, I went to the video store to select my own evening entertainment and I discovered our video was checked out. I felt sad because I knew she had it. She was watching it without me. Sure, it was just a piece of hard plastic and magnetic tape, but it was signifigant to us. It was the only physical thing that I associate with a relationship between two people, a bond that no longer exists.

Out on Long Island, a man is going through what I went through. Except, instead of Blockbuster Video's copy of Brain Donors, this man shared something even more special with his girlfriend: that site on the internet with all the sex ads.

Frankly, if CL was what you had with your girlfriend, I'm surprised you were surprised by anything in that relationship. How did you expect your relationship to end? If she's a CL regular, you should have seen that threesome with transsexuals coming miles away. Sorry, it's just how it is.

The author misses the hot sex. He's quite the sweet talker, I must say. I especially like how you refer to your lovemaking with your girlfriend as "encounters." It sounds as intimate as meeting a stranger off of a text-based anonymous sex website. You guys must have really been into CL.

But time heals all wounds. A callous man would suggest you use CL to replace her instead of talking to her. But I know the truth: you can't find someone new from CL. CL was your thing.

Pretty Girl - m4w - 32

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Reply to: pers-261301393@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-11, 9:38PM EST


You know who you are if your reading this. I just want to say how this is not the way I expected our relationship to end. Frankly, never wanted it to end. I realize you have moved on and I'm happy for you but also sad and hurt that you would look so soon. You must know that you have no reason to be fearful of me. I only want the best for you in life. I miss the hot sex we had, Do you? What I wouldn't give to have one more encounter with you. It breaks my heart knowing someone else will now be inside you. I will always love you.

Everyone Needs an Angle

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/261302350.html

Some men on the site boast incredible endowment. Others financial largesse. This gentleman seeks to set himself apart by bragging about something he knows women are into: bicycle repair.

The terms of the deal are pretty straightforward: "In exchange for fixing your bike, you allow me to have sex with you. " You know, it doesn't sound like so much fun if you phrase it "You allow me to have sex with you." It sounds like a chore, like she's allowing you to pour soda all over her hair (which, by the way, makes your hair all sticky).

The ad then becomes a sad slew of double entendres. Allow me to decode:

1. A good cleaning: He will take a garden hose and douse you with hose water
   
2. On the frame: Your skin
   
3. Hard-to-reach crevices: I think he's calling you fat. There shouldn't be parts of your body that are that hard for another person to reach.
   
4. Tighten up your brake cables: I think this may have to do with a wrench. It actually sounds painful.
   
5. Trim down any fraying: I thought about this one for like ten minutes. My best guess is that he's comparing your private hair to frayed copper wire. The good news is that he'll trim it for you.
   
6. Your spokes: This one's easy. Boobs. But I've never heard of boob-tightness before. Then again, you don't want them to come loose and fall off.
   
7. Hard wrench: His finger
   
8. Straighten out any kinks: If there were any gay members of the 1960's band, The Kinks, his finger will somehow scare them away from homosexuality
   
9. My pump: His genitals
   
10. Your tires: He's comparing your lady flower to two gigantic tubes of thick industrial rubber.
    
11. I'll lube it up and you can take it for a ride: I have no idea.
    

I think it's funny that he asks for a pic of your bike. Like maybe he'll think you're cute, but reject you because your bike is crap.

He ends with "I’ll wear a condom if you wear a helmet." If you wear a helmet during sex, you will look like a mentally challenged person having sex. You're better off letting him go without the condom.

WILL FIX BICYCLE for SEX - m4w - 24

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Reply to: pers-261302350@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-11, 9:41PM EST


Hey there,

I'm a very capable bike mechanic and have built bikes up from the naked frame. I am also an expert in bed, but how would you know that unless you've tried me out? In exchange for fixing your bike, you allow me to have sex with you.

To start off, I'd give it a good cleaning, on the frame as well as in all the hard-to-reach crevices. I'd probably tighten up your brake cables and trim down any fraying. Then I'd move my fingers up and down your spokes to check for tightness, and maybe insert my hard wrench to straighten out any kinks. I might use my pump to fill up your tires. After that, if all is well, I'll lube it up and you can take it for a ride.

After the first time, you'll be deliberately breaking your bike as an exuse to trade my mechanical skills for sex. 6ft tall. 195 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.

Applicants are strongly encouraged to send pic of themselves and bicycle, with a thorough description of what exactly needs repair on your bike and how you like it done to you. All women are encouraged to apply. I live alone and can host. Former bike messenger, just itching to make a delivery. Bicycle not required.

Let’s both be safe - I’ll wear a condom if you wear a helmet.

Thanks for looking!

Craigslist and the Market for Cunnilingus

I have a sexually successful friend of mine who boasts that he's never performed oral sex on a woman. Though many men enjoy the act, the consensus among locker room chatter is that it's not the most desirable bedroom activity for a man. Some refuse to do it, many more are disgusted or frightened by the prospect. Lil' Kim has a song referencing her frustration getting men to perform the act.

That said, it is remarkable how much men on CL offer cunnilingus. About half of the ads from men to women either entirely focus on cunnilingus or discuss it significantly. Many ads by guys boast about their talents or discuss how weird it is that they enjoy giving it but admit a fondness for the act of giving.

One example of a cunnilingus focused ad:

Pro Pussy eater - m4w - 36

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Reply to: pers-260780153@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-10, 10:12PM EST


Need your pussy eaten today?

Latin pussy here will lick and suck your pussy into submission.

Send reply for more details.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/260780153.html

Notice how the author of that ad led with cunnilingus and didn't even mention any other sexual act. Is it that he's only interested in cunnlingus?

I don't think so. Another:

free orgasm - m4w - 40

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Reply to: pers-263645165@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-16, 3:48PM EST


If you need a man to go down on you until you have an orgasm and not look for anything in return, let's meet somewhere so you can enjoy this free orgasm.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/263645165.html

I think that men are so desperate to attract anyone on CL that they lead with what they believe to be the most attractive lure to a woman: no interest in putting them through giving oral sex and interest in giving them oral sex.

This may be tied to another trend. Many men on CL mention that they are interested in heavy women. Others insist on BBWs. In the general population, these are the women who fare the least well in the sexual marketplace. However, it may be that in CL, men are so eager for a mate that they are willing to accomodate women of all shapes and sizes.

A Broken Glenn Miller Record

http://newyork.craigslist.org/search/cas/mnh/125?maxAsk=36&minAsk=36&query=m4w

Below are a collections of posts made by the same guy, posting the same picture of himself, over the course of one week. I think if you're always ready for sex, it is no longer appropriate to say you're "in the mood." In the mood suggests that you sometimes are not in the mood. This guy is in the mood for sex like I am in the mood for breathing or not getting hit by a truck.

The author has a classic style: he's brief. He made one foray into popular culture: he likes Borat. He puts most of his push into his titles, and reserves the body of his posts for, if anything, punctuation or an emoticon.

He likes emoticons. He also went through a phase (one that has ended) where he was interested in female ejaculation. Despite the fact that the author thinks he's "got that down," he no longer advertises that skill. I wonder why...

My favorite post is the rare epic produced by this bard. He made a take-out menu of sorts, which includes the squirting, but also includes moronic parenthetical commentary. After discussing his willingness to perform manual sex on you, he adds "i want to make you cum." Well thank you, I was wondering what your finger was doing up there. After mentioning you watching him abuse himself, he adds, "you're a bad girl." This walking barometer of morality hits the nail on the head again.

One can only hope that one of these ads paid off for the author. Otherwise, coming up with various permutations to accompany the same ad would be really, really sad.

i'm so in the moooooood :) - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-260817646@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-10, 11:45PM EST


you?

I like you --- you like me? Let’s have a sexy time (borat) - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-260147608@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 6:00PM EST


:)

I offer great sex this afternoon - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-260045412@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 2:45PM EST


xxx

I can be there in a few... - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-259781882@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 12:20AM EST


or you can cum here...

Morning Fantasy Menu (Pick one) - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-258903678@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-07, 10:49AM EST


1. Let me kiss the outside of your panties until you are soaking wet (Mmmmm)
2. Let me finger you slowly as I kiss the back of your neck (i want to make you cum)
3. Unzip my fly and pull my cock out and stroke it (control me)
4. Let me masturbate for you as you watch (you're a bad girl)
5. Licking you long and deeply until you are very wet (my favorite)
6. Spanking you (you deserve a spanking, i want you over my lap bad girl)
7. Taking you against the wall (your hands are on the wall while we stand up)
8. Put my cock between you breasts (we will cover them with baby oil first)
9. Use your toy because you need a helping hand, tongue, DP…
10. You tell me _____________________________________________?

want some - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-258826566@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-07, 1:45AM EST


?

are you in a sexy mood? - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-258360215@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-06, 12:08AM EST


me too, let's meet

come for a drink - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-258286633@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 8:52PM EST


and we'll see what's up

I can make you SQUIRT - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-258002962@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 11:36AM EST


.

I would love to teach you some new moves.... - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-257442534@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-04, 10:08AM EST


.

Want a Jewish orgasm? - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-257324217@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-04, 12:01AM EST


your turn...

quick fuck at my place - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-257315722@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-03, 11:37PM EST


:)

Curious about squirting? - m4w - 36 (Nolita)

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Reply to: pers-257195237@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-03, 6:56PM EST


I think I’ve nailed it down :)

They're all cries for help

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/260821955.html

This post is basically saying more concisely what every other post on casual encounters is saying.

someone please do me now - m4w

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Reply to: pers-260821955@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-10, 11:57PM EST


its a cry for help.

Contest! Explain this post!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/260276492.html

I'm sponsoring a contest here on the Roundup. Be the first person to email asexr@yahoo.com and explain what the hell this post means. I think I follow it at first, but then it loses me entirely.

The title makes sense, it is fairly chilly in Manhattan this evening.

The first mumbled sentence fragment: okay, the author is in a hotel. Fine.

Mumblings #2: his girlfriend is away, making a casual encounter exciting and possible. Okay.

Mumblings #3: the tv is broken and so the author is bored and is looking for another source of amusement, like sex. Fine. "And she went along." Along with what? With the TV? Did the TV walk out of the room and the girlfriend walked out with it? Is she accompanying it to the repair shop and waiting there diligently as it's fixed, like a mother at her son's hospital bedside? Explain!

Mutterings #5-6: The author called up the bellman and asked for help (maybe for a prostitute, like in The Catcher in the Rye?)

Shit that's bananas: He lists fruit, perhaps asking for them because he ends the list with please. But he asks for a coconut? What the hell would he open it with? Why is he mentioning this? What does this have to do with anything? Have you even ever heard of a cold coconut? If he added a plum to the list, this could have been modern poetry.

Coup de Grace: The author asks for you to come over and let him lick your vagina. Possibly because the coconuts are too cold, his girlfriend is gone, and his TV is broken.

If you have a more plausible theory, send it in and become a very very very minor internet celebrity.

Cold, Cold, Cold..... - m4w - 35 (Murray Hill)

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Reply to: pers-260276492@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 10:57PM EST


Up at the hotel...my girlfriend is gone...tv set is broken and she went along...called up the bellman...I said can you help me please...a peach, a pear, a coconut please....but they're so cold....
Just come on over I wanna lick the kitty....

Did anyone order low expectations?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/260296459.html

Sometimes I feeling dirty, but I'd have to be feeling pretty stupid if I'd want to be serviced in the back of a dark delivery truck with a stranger from the internet. "Hi," I'd greet the stranger, "I'm here for the date rape."

Somehow the author thinks that photos would ruin this "chance" encounter. Note to author: what makes something chance is not planning it out beforehand.

Getting a dream person is BS, if you ask this stranger. I only wish he shared more insights on love with me, possibly in the back of his delivery truck.

Is he handsome? "No." In quotation marks. Which may mean no-ish or something. He not Adonis or ugly, which on the internet, means he ugly.

Delivery man - m4w (Greenwich Village)

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Reply to: pers-260296459@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 11:48PM EST


If you feeling dirty and want to be serviced in the back of a delivery truck, want home delivery, or are willing to travel the west village vicinity then pay attention. This is a chance for a chance encounter no strings attached. Not asking for photos, although welcome, because this is a chance encounter. Not into the filling out a questionnaire with photos. Save that for the ones looking for that "dream" person. BS if you ask me. Just send in your fantasies and lets make it happen. And "no" I not Adonis or ugly. Just an average guy. If your serious then let me know.

Did you even see The Graduate?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/259283194.html

So in The Graduate, Dustin Hoffman plays a college graduate who is seduced by a married woman. The married woman, played by Anne Bancroft, is named Mrs. Robinson.

The author of this ad, a 24 year old product of no accredited educational institution, wants an older lady, but doesn't understand how not all older ladies are Mrs. Robinson. Let me explain some differences:

1. She was Mrs. Robinson, not Miss Robinson. The movie wouldn't make much sense if Mrs. Robinson weren't married to Mr. Robinson or weren't the mother of Dustin Hoffman's childhood crush.
2. Mid 30s? Dustin Hoffman's character was at least 21, so for Mrs. Robinson to be one generation ahead and to be in her mid 30s, she'd have to have had a kid at the age of 14. She was more like in her mid to late 40s. Big difference.
3. A college graduate could spell summary and interest.
4. Dustin Hoffman was the reluctant object of Mrs. Robinson's advances. That's like the whole reason the movie is so sexy. The scene where Hoffman stutters "I think you're trying to seduce me," is classic. Posting for sex on the internet is like the complete opposite of that.

You have a lot to learn, dude. But I have one major word of advice for you: plastics.

miss robinson - m4w - 24 (Midtown East)

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Reply to: pers-259283194@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 12:36AM EST


i have a thing for women in thier mid 30's. i think its sexy when an older woman feels she can show me what age has perfected. in mind ,body and experience. if this strikes your intrest respond with a short summery of your self and a picture

Bad Parenting

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/259758208.html

If your kid ends up like this, you are a bad mommy. Maybe you should have thought twice before raising a kid in New Jersey. The toxic chemicals in the air alone will mess him up.

So what that I am your son?, he asks. Mommy, I hope you can field that question. Also, while you're packing this kid some lunchables, teach little Timmy how to spell luscious.

No, on second thought, don't use that word around him.

Also, if your son can smell your vagina fom wherever he is, you need to start showering.

Mommy! I love you so much! - m4w

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Reply to: pers-259758208@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-08, 11:23PM EST


So what that I am your son! How could anyone not desire you mommy! Your lusious lips are so kissable, your magnificent breasts beg to be fondled and caressed and I can smell mommy's pussy fom here! How can I deny that I want you ! How can I resist you mommy!

Poor Marketing

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/259275557.html

HEY WHAT UP

I feel this ad would get more responses if it advertised itself differently. Maybe play down the "send a picture of yourself on the toilet to strangers on the internet" aspect and play up the "threesome with young asian chicks" component.

Fro me, that a bit hotter than having to explain to my coworkers why pictures of me on a toilet are flying around the internet and, with my luck, landing in their inboxes.

would like to see a pic of a guy sitting on the toilet - w4m - 24

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Reply to: pers-259275557@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-08, 2:45AM EST


HEY WHAT UP, would like to se a pic of a guy sitting on the toilet, fro me that hot, besides that are there any guys who ever wanted to be with 2 asian females at the sme time, hit us back

Let me count the ways

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/258906451.html

You will climax an inordinate number of times. You will want to stop at five, but no! I will defy all proper and reasonable limits. I will make you orgasm three billion times. It will be crazy!

This guy's amazing technique involves just laying between your legs and lookin' for like 30 minutes. "Golly! Look at all 'em hairs!" You excited yet?

The author ends the ad by speculating something about you, as he knows you pretty well. He guesses that you would like nothing better than to have a stranger from the internet go down on you every day for several hours. Nothing, he notes, is better than orgasming.

Here are things that I'd like/want more:

1. The same thing the author described, plus five thousand dollars
2. The same thing the author described, but from an attractive celebrity
3. Fame
4. Love
5. X-Ray vision and/or the ability to fly
   

How will I worship your pussy - m4w

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Reply to: pers-258906451@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-07, 10:58AM EST


I would love to worship your pussy and make you climax an inordinate number of itmes. I do not want to reveal everything to you because something should be left to the imagination. However, I could get into lying between your legs and at first just look at your very luscious and sexy pussy maybe touching your inner thighs and mabye kissing all around your pussy but not really tasting you yet. Will you get wet if I just look and admire how nice your pussy looks. Can I do this for maybe half an hour or so. I do not even know if I can resist because you know how much I love eating pussy. Have you known other men like me who really get into eating pussy as much as me. Then I will eventually start to lick, kiss, touch your pussy all over, tongue fuck you and then I will gently start to taste and swallow your pussy juices. I just love pussy juices. It tastes so wonderful and then as I keep eating you get even more lubricated and evenutally you will start to have your first orgasm while I am also touching your very hard breasts and erect nipples while furiously eating your out as you writhe in ultimate pleasure. I just want to keep pleasuring your and enjoy your experession as you keep cumming many many times while I finger, lick ,suck and eat your very wet pussy. Oh you want to cum and I want to make you cum so i will just eat, lick and suck and kiss and finger fuck your pussy for as long as you want me to. A I think if you could you would love to have your pussy eaten out several hours every day because nothing is better than cumming.

Something Doesn't Sound Right

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/258878527.html

If you are actually able to unzip this man's penis, there's something anatomically wrong with the man. Most penises I've seen don't have zippers (and even if they did, they're not really big enough to store anything).

After the author pumps your mouth, he will deep it. Despite the fact that deep isn't a verb, how will he deep you? Very messy.

Did you know you love all your holes filled by pumping cock? Well, you do. And I don't see how that's possible unless this dude has several penises in various places throughout his body.

I've mentioned this before, but I don't think this man can ejaculate as much as he's fantasizing. Unless this dude has several penises in various places throughout his body, one of which has a zipper. And why does this dude want cum all over his own body? And how the hell would he get it on his own ass?

I'm not turned on so much as curious to see this alien robot creature with many penises and a zipper.

Turn you on? - m4w - 46 (Upper West Side)

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Reply to: pers-258878527@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-07, 8:56AM EST


I want you to kneel and unzip my cock for your hot mouth. I will pump your mouth and deep it -- real messy. I will explode in your mouth, on your tits, in your pussy, and ass. I want you to raise your ass in the air and spread your ass cheeks so I can finger your ass hole. I will lube your ass while you beg for me to pump it hard. You love all your holes occupied by pumping cock. I want you to take my hard swollen cock in your mouth and swallow it all to the balls. Sex is hot, sweaty, and nonstop bucking, grinding and squirting for an afternoon with multiple orgasms for both. I want you to get my cock hard again and again. I will lick you all over and eat you hot wet juicy pussy till you squirt. Sex is ended in total exhaustion with cum all over our bodies. I will work you out sexually, hard deep. I will teach you how to work my prostate. Ready for it? I am a single male, 46 years old, fit, 5'9" dirty blond, blue eyes, 180 lbs.

A way with words

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/258323626.html

The author of this post tells you about four sexual encounters he had. Then he tells you these stories again. Then he asks you to email him to ask him to retell one of the stories a third time. Once was really more than necessary.

This post is far too long to mock line-by-line. Instead, I'd just like to list some quotes that I think are amazing:

1. "Hot newsanchor/CEO type woman" - What? What CEO of a media company is also the anchorwoman on its news broadcast?
2. "the best blowjobber by far" - My favorite Rolling Stones song was "Blowjobber Blues"
3. "good old fash cock/pussy intercourse" - Old fash!
4. "ye' olde clitoris" -
1. This chick must have been really really old
2. Why is there an apostrophe after ye?
5. "If not careful, her bottom could become A BOTTOM." - I hope she was careful, or she could have ended up IN ALL CAPS.
6. "It was great! but it wasn't good for me at all" - This guy is totally ridiculous! but he is the wisest man alive.
   

My "corporate wanker" to "handyman stud" sex tales - m4w

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Reply to: pers-258323626@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 10:23PM EST


It took 40 years for me to have wild, unexpected sexual romps with some mighty fine ladies. I thought 40 would be "dad years" and being practical. I had me a real good time instead :) It all started when job I had for 12 years in corporate America was outsourced...for good. I had made a big mistake by joining in the management craze instead of staying skilled and up to date on technologies. But I went from feeling helpless over my future (and I'll admit this now...feeling a bit wormy and wimpy about it) to putting on a toolbelt, letting my hair grow just a tad, putting on steel toe work boots, and not caring one bit about not ever wanting to go back to shirt-and-tie. Who knew that a stunning 38 year old woman would randomly give me the best blowjob of my life? Who knew a nice, polite, conservative Indian doctor and I would go on a nature hike and we'd wind up acting out "the birds and the bees"? How could I have known the future also held love making with a mom of teenage daughters who hadn't had sex in four years? I always felt 3somes were immoral...just may have peaked at a few two babes/one guy porn posts but to actually engage in one? Nope, not me. That opens a door that I think may not be a good idea to enter through. Whoops...scratch 3some of the list thanks to two 25 years olds. I never had a one night stand in my life. I never chased women. I had morals, ethics, and values. I had loving commited relationships. How did these 4 sexual romps within 2 years span happen? I had no explanation other than "the handyman fantasy". They all resulted from women hiring me to work for them or someone hiring me and they just happened to be there. I won't say all women fell into my persuassions since I worked for a lot, or near a lot of women in my tool belt. But there were quite a few flirties who just wanted to watch or investigate and there were 4 who went all the way.

I had always been tall, attractive, nice guy but never a lady's man nor ever a guy that worked on being sexy. I just think I went from tired, righteous, corporate guy to desired, hunky, friendly, irresistable handyman because that's what was in the cards for me. I have no explanation but I'll share these stories with you because I've never shared them with anyone for fear of being judged "you did what?!!" from my familiar crowd who I also have slowly faded from. But I have to tell someone! So I'll tell you.

You choose from these which one you want to hear about. I give you all the hot details.

1) Hot newsanchor/CEO type woman (extremely good looking, nicely dressed and smart) springs a completely out of nowhere cock sucking for all ages...perhaps because she thinks I'm a younger guy and I don't let on I'm not. I'm stunned and shocked as nothing like this has evey remotely come close to happening before. She is the best looking woman I've ever been sexual with and she's the best blowjobber by far. I'm a nice guy...nice guys get to do things like this.

2) Very nice person needs work done to her house before she sells. A doctor from India, she's pleasant, nice, friendly. She likes nature walks...I recommend a place she should go. She emails to ask if I know a group that might hike there. I email back saying I'd show her the place. For the second time in less than 4 months another completely out of nowhere sexual explosion by another great lady who's quite attractive. (What's going on here!? is all I can think). A quiet birdwatching hut in a nature preserve leads to me leaning over her to point out a rare bird she can't see, a kiss, and escalates into a very gentle, soft, fully clothed, love making session with her sitting nicely on my lap. It also is the first time a woman has an orgasm during intercourse for me. The first time ever I've had sex with a woman who had vaginal orgasm caused by good old fash cock/pussy intercourse. I little finger manipulation on ye' olde clitoris had been required up until this point to achieve the big O during intercourse with previous girlfriends. But the emotions, surprise, taboo, perhaps pent up sexuality can't be held back as she bear hugs my neck, cries out, and holds on for dear life while unexpected orgasms out in nature make us both feel like one...and practically wrench my neck from her fierce grip around my neck and face to face compaction during "wow!" orgasms from her.

3) A really cool, together, doing the right thing, admirable, over worked, no social life, divorced mom to teenage girls, still sexy but a little run down, shows me stretches/massages for my slighty stiffed up shoulder and winds up getting a shagging she hadn't had in quite some time. With a new lady's man confidence brought on by first two other sexual encounters I sense she would be up for some attention/affection but is just too nice/shy/conservative to openly flirt. Initially a little ashamed of her body because of "a few extra pounds" she's convinced doesn't make her bare bottom I'm kissing particulary sexy, she's convinced finally by me she's cute and desired and gets her pussy licked to an orgasm. Then again I have a second time where a woman has an orgasm by intercourse alone as we make sweet kissing love with her lying back in her bed and her legs wrapped tight around me. A fast, hot, skin slapping, deep cock, doggy style sex shakes and jiggles the "few extra pounds" in her round bottom giving my hands something nice to dig into as a third orgasm rocks through her whole body and putting an end to a perfect hour together as I give a porno type ending by having my own amazing orgasm that squirts all over her bottom and back.

4) 3some with 20somethings - Big boobed Italian girl with big legs, big nose and her petite tiny tits Asian-American friend. Some girls are sexy because of personality and confidence. Gena was such a person. The more you saw her the more beautiful she became but she wasn't attractive if using magazine covers is the standard. She had a nose that arched but it gave her a unique look. She had a round bottom and strong powerful legs. If not careful, her bottom could become A BOTTOM. But she pulled it off with her gorgeous smile, black hair, green eyes, and a rack of boobs that women pay 10s of thousands of dollars to get and still don't get. Asian-American Ashley with no boobs and flat bottom. But she was skinny, toned, and very pretty. If she had boobs and an ass she'd be incredibly hot but most of us can't have it all. They were young, confident, happy, laughing, joyous, respectful, polite, but rich brats who liked to party a bit...and swim in the indoor poor within the room I was working. Gena was pushing it with thong bikini but she was just toned and young enough to keep herself within the outer bounds of someone who should wear a thong. Her incredible breasts, tight tummy, smooth skin, big but cute nose, and otherwise pretty face made me take notice. Ashley was certifiable cute. They were openly flaunting in front of me as this massive house had plenty of rooms besides the one I was in. They seduced me plain and simple. They were horny, hot, for each other, for me. They held nothing back. The time I had with them caused to to reevaluate this giddy new experience I'd been having: attractive women suddenly wanting to have sex with me. It was great! but it wasn't good for me at all...I felt like a bad person...but yet I still catch myself smiling when I day dream.

Which story do you want to hear first because I want to share it with someone. If I tell a friend, it'll get back around to family and big families eventually get tidbits of things like this. I don't want them to know about it. I like the way they think of me. Some things are personal. Let's keep this between you and I.

xoxoxo

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/258341800.html

The author of this ad is an 18 year old boy who wants to finally rid himself of his virgenity, so he can finally fit in with his friends and be a "real man."

It's hard being a virgen. If you do anything for another person this year, don't give money for humanitarian relief in Darfur. Don't contribute money for cancer research. And please, for the love of God, don't volunteer to help elderly shut-ins. And please please please don't teach this 18 year old E.B. White a single lesson on English grammar or spelling.

Instead, take it (his virgenity) awyw from him. He will give u wat eva u want. Unless you want a woman, because if he could get one of those, he'd have gotten it for himself presumably. But I'm sure this high school senior is totally hooked up and able to get you anything your heart desires.

He ends his ad with "xoxoxo." This was how my mom used to end her notes to me that were tucked into my lunches in kindergarten. Somehow it seemed less profoundly awkward coming from her, and there's very little more profoundly awkward than notes from your mom tucked into your lunch.

help me an will give u wat eva u need - m4w - 18

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Reply to: pers-258341800@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 11:13PM EST


im a virgen if take it awyw from me I will give u wat eva u want any age race please send a pic & contect info please help me thanx xoxoxo

I'll wait for a free one to come along

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/258335313.html

The author claims she is disease free. Apparently a fungal infection is not a disease. Hopefully the author isn't also hiding crabs and herpes under the belief that those aren't diseases either. Isn't her whole deal that she has a disease?

She then begins to auction off the right to smell her vagina like she was on QVC. She calls it "truly a classic," like it was a Collector's Plate from the Franklin Mint. She also claims it to be a CL first. Apparently it is not. Another CL poster writes:

That's not a first or very crafty its called chunking and lot of people on CL are into it. I met an obese woman who had a yeast infection for several weeks and didn't wash her punanny and wore rubber panties for the whole time and then posted I lapped it all up and she told me there two guys coming over after me. Chunking is awesome. Once you taste chunk you can't live without it.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/258365130.html

Secondly, the fact that no one on the internet has done something before is so totally not a reason to sniff a diseased vagina. If anything, you should avoid doing anything that not even someone on the internet has never done before.

Lastly, it's terrible that the author charges for this service. Sadly, the fact that capitalism screws over the yeast infection fetishists remains overlooked in the study of economics.

Do you have a Yeast infection fetish??? Wanna touch , smell? - w4m - 25

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Reply to: pers-258335313@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 10:56PM EST


I am disease free,
i took some antibiotics for the flu and the damn medicine left me with a freakin yeast infection for a couple of days. if anyone is interested , let me know.. and yes you need roses for this one, lots of damn roses.. this is truly a classic and prob a Craigs list first.

And for the losers who are gonna email me, and say how disgusting I am ,,hell i aleady know, at least I can be crafty even if I am out of female commission for a while.

This teacher makes the last teacher look legitimate by comparison

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/257873043.html

When I think about the kind of person who is such an expert in sex, I think about 22 year old men.

Our plucky professor writes, "I hear pretty often from other guys [about manual sex]." Wow, you have weird friends when a frequent topic of conversation is women's inability to bring them to orgasm. Maybe your friends are gay or quadraplegic because the male orgasm is easier to achieve than admission to Arizona State.

I wonder how this dude will teach you to give oral sex. I don't think he has fully thought about how these lessons will work. Also, at the age of 22, no one should be involved in hand jobs anymore. Unless his students are 16, in which case he has an entirely different problem on, well, his hands.

The author ends with "a final word," which is actually two dumb phrases:
"take charge of your abilities. Here's to education and pleasure!"

The first final word is written like it was half plagiarized from a successory.
The second is just stupid. Here's to pretending to be a sexual teacher to overcompensate for no real sexual knowledge or ability!

Teacher seeks student(s) - m4w - 22

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Reply to: pers-257873043@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 1:26AM EST


Ladies,

Have any of you ever felt unsure about whether or not you are pleasing a partner during handjobs or blowjobs? I hear pretty often from other guys about how this girl or that girl just didn't know what she was doing and turned a guy off.

My proposal: I will teach you how to give handjobs and blowjobs that will drive them wild. In some cases, I may be interested in learning a few things from you as well. After all, a teacher never really stops being a student.

I'm 22, white, attractive, and intelligent. Women who are 18-24, clean, drug-free, std-free, attractive, and interested in bettering their sexual performance should apply.
Please reply with a picture that shows your face and at least a little bit of your body (clothed or unclothed is fine); no pic probably means no reply. Hosting will be worked out on an individual basis.

A final word: take charge of your abilities. Here's to education and pleasure!

The CL Learning Annex

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/257874503.html

Remember those commercials where Sally Struthers would advertise correspondence courses where you could either finish your Associates Degree, study accounting, or study something stupid like Gun Repair? Even that was less of a scam than this 50 year old's ad.

I think the first step towards sexual confidence is not sleeping with 50 year old attached men you find on the internet. But I'm no sex teacher, so I don't know what I'm talking about. Instead, a real sex guru knows the way to begin instilling confidence in a your sexuality is by hearing the following:

Just because you spread your legs and allow a man to plow into you and enjoy himself does not make you a great lover. He can get that from any prostitute on the street.

I know that being compared to a prostitute was what helped me develop the phenomenal sexual confidence I have today.

Up next in the ad is the synopsis of 1988 soft-core porn "Dangerous Liasons" (though the version that this half-century man saw on reel-to-reel was just "Dangerous Liason"). In the synopsis, the author of the ad compares himself to an old man who has sex with a fifteen year old girl.

Man I wish this guy gave suaveness lessons to dudes!

Also, the guy's synopsis of the movie isn't even accurate. The movie also had a lot of duels, which I doubt our veteran teacher will also prepare his student for.

Lastly, the author gives us "the deal."

A. If he has a girlfriend, why not teach her sexual self-confidence? Or is she so confident that she doesn't realize you're cheating on her?
B. This sounds like the same thing as A.
C. Well, obviously you do if you're posting on Craigslist at 1:30a.
D. Why? In your very own movie, Dangerous Liasons, the "debaucher" character hates what he does and is criticized severely for it. My guess is that you're repaying the adulteress who taught you about sex, using some lessons from another crappy movie, Pay It Forward.

Personal Sexual Trainer - m4w - 50

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Reply to: pers-257874503@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 1:30AM EST


Do you lack confidence in your sexual abilities and knowledge? Have you ever wished that there was some kind of class you could take that would teach you how to be a capable and possibly great sexual partner?

Just because you spread your legs and allow a man to plow into you and enjoy himself does not make you a great lover. He can get that from any prostitute on the street.

In the movie "Dangerous Liason", the spurned lover of a man of prominence, as an act of revenge, coerces an older experienced man to de-flower the future wife of her Ex-Lover, a girl of 15 who is a virgin. The older man not only de-flowers the girl but in fact teaches the girl, over a series of lessons, how to be a great lover. The idea being that not only would the soon to be groom discover that his bride was not a virgin, but in fact a very experienced lover.

While I was sexually experience by my late 20's, it wasn't until I had an affair with a married woman, 20 years my senior, that I learned how to be a good lover. She was my Personal Sexual Trainer.

So here's the deal.

A. I am attached.
B. I have a a girl friend
C. I don't need to get laid
D. I would sincerely like to help ladies who are shy or unsure of themselves to get the benefit of my experience and teaching.

As for the particulars, I am in my 50's, white, trim, reasonably good looking and a professional.

Le Craigslist

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/256836791.html

Jean-Pierre here may have just gotten off of the boat too recently to perfect his English, but with enough time to learn about CL. Oh America! "Give us your tired, your poor, your desperate men yearning to meet women," Lady Liberty types at 1:09a.

JP knows you like sexy NSA nights too. At least some of you. While he was quite the man-whore a Paris, he doesn't know how it works here.

• Hint 1: Not the internet
• Hint 2: Acquire a lot of money
  

JP doesn't know a ton of English, and yet knows the expression "pics for pics." Berlitz really teaches what's important.

He lists a bunch of self-serving French arrogant things to say about himself, and so on, and then... interrupts himself to demand from you an explanation! Why are you waiting, you slothful American?

JP wants someone "between a fairy and a witch." JP is not just European, but he is from a crappy 17th century European fantasy book. He also likes, "infinite conversations about politics, arts or pornography at the MET (these are a few examples of conversations)." A few observations:

• (I knew those were examples, dumbass)
• pornography at the MET? That's a little more specific than the other topics, no? Or was that one topic? "Whether there should be arts or pornography at the Met," in which case I'd have to vote for the latter.

JP knows that, like all French men, he may attract a gay male crowd. Sorry, guys. JP will "very probably remain" straight. I doubt JP doesn't know the word "definitely," so I think his "very probably" is very probably a "definitely will not."

I Have been said it is sexy... - m4w - 25

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Reply to: pers-256836791@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-03, 1:09AM EST


.. to have a strong french accent. Well, I hope so, because i have no choice. So please forgive my english, my thoughts behind are rich and sound.

I guess it should not be that difficult to find a nice girl to enjoy some sexy NSA nights from time to time. I know you like it too (at least some of you). It wasn't difficult in Paris, but here I just don't know how it works. I'm good-looking (pics for pics), athletic, educated, funny, well, a nice guy i think, not really tall (5' 7''), liberal, easy-going, very intelligent, and so on... why are you waiting! I don't answer w4m posts, there are too many fakes, and anyway let's let the ladies choose. That why I decided to post here.

Now, what do i want ? That's the difficult part, especially because I'd like to be surprised. Let's say I want somebody between a fairy and a witch, or a crazy intellectual writer able to get naked. I'd love kinky relationships (in the way you prefer), and infinite conversations about politics, arts or pornography at the MET (these are a few examples of conversations).

I also love a sweet wet pussy to lick like a candy, a softly moaning girl under my tongue, and a lot of other things. Oh, and I love drawing, so if it doesn't bother you too much, I may ask for some modelling...

Do you think you can make it ? I have a lot to give back.

PS: sorry guys, I am straight and will very probably remain...

Beatrix Potter's Original Idea

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/256851436.html

Any sophisticated Soho poop enthusiast knows the classic tale of Winnie the Poop, the world sweetest bowel movement due to massive consumption of honey.

I myself am more of an Eeyore, happy at all that women notice me.

I just wonder what happens after you poop on this guy's chest? Is the evening then over? Do you eat a lot more in hopes of the joy of doing it again? Come on, let a fella know.

Winnie the POOP - m4w - 24 (SoHo)

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Reply to: pers-256851436@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-03, 2:12AM EST


Any ladies out there who like poop play? You can do it on my chest or just let me watch you. Let a fella know.