Me Pretty One Day

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/409685173.html

Most of the author's friends say she has a good personality. Such an unbiased non-self-selecting pool has to be accurate! True friends would tell you, "You suck to be around and are a terrible person."

Then again, if your friends actually tell you "You have a good personality," that may just be code for "You're ugly."

The author of this ad demonstrates a mastery of second grade writing skills. She uses the following complex sentences:

1. Im looking for some fun times.
   
2. I am a nice looking girl with a pretty face.
   
3. I have nice tits and loved to have them sucked on.
   
4. I love to give oral to a man I am good at it too!
   
5. I am an attractive woman.
   
6. I have red hair.
   
7. My breasts are size 42B and I am 5'7 tall.
   
8. I live in Westchester.
   

Each of these sentences has a subject, a verb, often an adjective, and not much else. It's as if this was a sample sex ad from an introductory textbook from some "English for Casual Encounters" class.

Either that or this 22 year old has let her kid write the ad for her.

sexy single looking for casual sex - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-409685173@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-30, 8:40AM EDT


Most of my friends say that i have a good personality and fun to be around. Im looking for some fun times. I am a nice looking girl with a pretty face. I have nice tits and loved to have them sucked on. I love to give oral to a man I am good at it too! I am an attractive woman. I have red hair. My breasts are size 42B and I am 5'7 tall. I live in Westchester. Not really looking for a relationship but if it happens then for sure ill go for it! Well I hope to hear from you soon.

Great Advice!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/271083974.html

Things I've learned by reading this ad:

1) Whoever used to go down on this woman somehow involved his feet. Maybe this is why she doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex.
2) Guys think women want foreplay but they really want to be tied up.
3) Women don't like flowers. Instead, it would be far less creepy to plant a woman a tree. Women care a lot about the green house effect and not about the fact that, holy shit, why is there an evergreen in the middle of my apartment?
4) Like my mom always told me, if i want a woman to go down on me, wash it off, first, please, keep it CLEAN!! Then maybe we'll (and by we'll, my mom meant herself which was a little scarring) stop playing w. our dildoes and play w. you instead.

The Tease is here to taunt you - w4m - 29

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Reply to: pers-271083974@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-30, 11:41PM EST


Yes, I am teasing you, making you horny, and then running away to hide. But I'll tell you this before you start sending me angry emails...
I have never had AIDS (get tested regularly)
Never had syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV, whatever other sexually transmitted diseases you can think of..so this reading your replies and then deciding to stay home to play with my sex toys thing makes some sense after all. And by the way, I hate feet and I don't like you to go down on me. I'd much rather go down on you. And I'd rather that you tie me to the bed and fuck me like a man to get my juices flowing rather than all this touchy-feely foreplay stuff that you guys think women want. And by the way, don't give us flowers. Plant a tree instead. Flowers die and dont' help the green house effect. And like your mom always told you, if u want a woman to go down on you, wash it off, first, please, keep it CLEAN!!Then maybe we'll stop playing w. our dildoes and play w. you instead. Lick, suck and play while you grab our hair.

A way with words

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/258323626.html

The author of this post tells you about four sexual encounters he had. Then he tells you these stories again. Then he asks you to email him to ask him to retell one of the stories a third time. Once was really more than necessary.

This post is far too long to mock line-by-line. Instead, I'd just like to list some quotes that I think are amazing:

1. "Hot newsanchor/CEO type woman" - What? What CEO of a media company is also the anchorwoman on its news broadcast?
2. "the best blowjobber by far" - My favorite Rolling Stones song was "Blowjobber Blues"
3. "good old fash cock/pussy intercourse" - Old fash!
4. "ye' olde clitoris" -
1. This chick must have been really really old
2. Why is there an apostrophe after ye?
5. "If not careful, her bottom could become A BOTTOM." - I hope she was careful, or she could have ended up IN ALL CAPS.
6. "It was great! but it wasn't good for me at all" - This guy is totally ridiculous! but he is the wisest man alive.
   

My "corporate wanker" to "handyman stud" sex tales - m4w

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Reply to: pers-258323626@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-05, 10:23PM EST


It took 40 years for me to have wild, unexpected sexual romps with some mighty fine ladies. I thought 40 would be "dad years" and being practical. I had me a real good time instead :) It all started when job I had for 12 years in corporate America was outsourced...for good. I had made a big mistake by joining in the management craze instead of staying skilled and up to date on technologies. But I went from feeling helpless over my future (and I'll admit this now...feeling a bit wormy and wimpy about it) to putting on a toolbelt, letting my hair grow just a tad, putting on steel toe work boots, and not caring one bit about not ever wanting to go back to shirt-and-tie. Who knew that a stunning 38 year old woman would randomly give me the best blowjob of my life? Who knew a nice, polite, conservative Indian doctor and I would go on a nature hike and we'd wind up acting out "the birds and the bees"? How could I have known the future also held love making with a mom of teenage daughters who hadn't had sex in four years? I always felt 3somes were immoral...just may have peaked at a few two babes/one guy porn posts but to actually engage in one? Nope, not me. That opens a door that I think may not be a good idea to enter through. Whoops...scratch 3some of the list thanks to two 25 years olds. I never had a one night stand in my life. I never chased women. I had morals, ethics, and values. I had loving commited relationships. How did these 4 sexual romps within 2 years span happen? I had no explanation other than "the handyman fantasy". They all resulted from women hiring me to work for them or someone hiring me and they just happened to be there. I won't say all women fell into my persuassions since I worked for a lot, or near a lot of women in my tool belt. But there were quite a few flirties who just wanted to watch or investigate and there were 4 who went all the way.

I had always been tall, attractive, nice guy but never a lady's man nor ever a guy that worked on being sexy. I just think I went from tired, righteous, corporate guy to desired, hunky, friendly, irresistable handyman because that's what was in the cards for me. I have no explanation but I'll share these stories with you because I've never shared them with anyone for fear of being judged "you did what?!!" from my familiar crowd who I also have slowly faded from. But I have to tell someone! So I'll tell you.

You choose from these which one you want to hear about. I give you all the hot details.

1) Hot newsanchor/CEO type woman (extremely good looking, nicely dressed and smart) springs a completely out of nowhere cock sucking for all ages...perhaps because she thinks I'm a younger guy and I don't let on I'm not. I'm stunned and shocked as nothing like this has evey remotely come close to happening before. She is the best looking woman I've ever been sexual with and she's the best blowjobber by far. I'm a nice guy...nice guys get to do things like this.

2) Very nice person needs work done to her house before she sells. A doctor from India, she's pleasant, nice, friendly. She likes nature walks...I recommend a place she should go. She emails to ask if I know a group that might hike there. I email back saying I'd show her the place. For the second time in less than 4 months another completely out of nowhere sexual explosion by another great lady who's quite attractive. (What's going on here!? is all I can think). A quiet birdwatching hut in a nature preserve leads to me leaning over her to point out a rare bird she can't see, a kiss, and escalates into a very gentle, soft, fully clothed, love making session with her sitting nicely on my lap. It also is the first time a woman has an orgasm during intercourse for me. The first time ever I've had sex with a woman who had vaginal orgasm caused by good old fash cock/pussy intercourse. I little finger manipulation on ye' olde clitoris had been required up until this point to achieve the big O during intercourse with previous girlfriends. But the emotions, surprise, taboo, perhaps pent up sexuality can't be held back as she bear hugs my neck, cries out, and holds on for dear life while unexpected orgasms out in nature make us both feel like one...and practically wrench my neck from her fierce grip around my neck and face to face compaction during "wow!" orgasms from her.

3) A really cool, together, doing the right thing, admirable, over worked, no social life, divorced mom to teenage girls, still sexy but a little run down, shows me stretches/massages for my slighty stiffed up shoulder and winds up getting a shagging she hadn't had in quite some time. With a new lady's man confidence brought on by first two other sexual encounters I sense she would be up for some attention/affection but is just too nice/shy/conservative to openly flirt. Initially a little ashamed of her body because of "a few extra pounds" she's convinced doesn't make her bare bottom I'm kissing particulary sexy, she's convinced finally by me she's cute and desired and gets her pussy licked to an orgasm. Then again I have a second time where a woman has an orgasm by intercourse alone as we make sweet kissing love with her lying back in her bed and her legs wrapped tight around me. A fast, hot, skin slapping, deep cock, doggy style sex shakes and jiggles the "few extra pounds" in her round bottom giving my hands something nice to dig into as a third orgasm rocks through her whole body and putting an end to a perfect hour together as I give a porno type ending by having my own amazing orgasm that squirts all over her bottom and back.

4) 3some with 20somethings - Big boobed Italian girl with big legs, big nose and her petite tiny tits Asian-American friend. Some girls are sexy because of personality and confidence. Gena was such a person. The more you saw her the more beautiful she became but she wasn't attractive if using magazine covers is the standard. She had a nose that arched but it gave her a unique look. She had a round bottom and strong powerful legs. If not careful, her bottom could become A BOTTOM. But she pulled it off with her gorgeous smile, black hair, green eyes, and a rack of boobs that women pay 10s of thousands of dollars to get and still don't get. Asian-American Ashley with no boobs and flat bottom. But she was skinny, toned, and very pretty. If she had boobs and an ass she'd be incredibly hot but most of us can't have it all. They were young, confident, happy, laughing, joyous, respectful, polite, but rich brats who liked to party a bit...and swim in the indoor poor within the room I was working. Gena was pushing it with thong bikini but she was just toned and young enough to keep herself within the outer bounds of someone who should wear a thong. Her incredible breasts, tight tummy, smooth skin, big but cute nose, and otherwise pretty face made me take notice. Ashley was certifiable cute. They were openly flaunting in front of me as this massive house had plenty of rooms besides the one I was in. They seduced me plain and simple. They were horny, hot, for each other, for me. They held nothing back. The time I had with them caused to to reevaluate this giddy new experience I'd been having: attractive women suddenly wanting to have sex with me. It was great! but it wasn't good for me at all...I felt like a bad person...but yet I still catch myself smiling when I day dream.

Which story do you want to hear first because I want to share it with someone. If I tell a friend, it'll get back around to family and big families eventually get tidbits of things like this. I don't want them to know about it. I like the way they think of me. Some things are personal. Let's keep this between you and I.

Guttertrash != Guttersluts

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/247179844.html

I am 43 years on this rock, writes the epic author of this tome. This a profound way of stating your age when you've taken more hockey pucks to the face than you've read books.

I really doubt this guy finds Britney Spears in no way attractive. If you find Jessica Simpson or Jenny McCarthy not your type, that's cool. But "in no way attractive?" This should probably be filed under m4m.

Also, if you're writing about how you don't like celebrity attractiveness, don't make your idols Steffi Graf, Rachel Griffiths, or other celebrity women whose fame is in large part due to their looks. Basically all you're saying is you like older women who don't sing. Believe it or not, older women who can't sing are far more common than Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson.

I wouldn't mind moving somewhere where Britney was the average. I hear maybe Sweden?

What is it about Britney that is insufficiently trustworthy? Does her blonde hair and soft skin suggest that she'd steal your car or something? I think any woman you meet off of the internet at 3:02am is probably the type of woman you don't want to share your PIN code with.

Do skydivers need to be in good shape? Gravity seems to do most of the work.

The author ends his ad with a collage of weird looking women, many of whom have precisely the sort of model good looks that the author claims not to like. I don't know if the author made the collage himself or if he just found a collage on the internet and said "hey, I happen to like these women!" Either way, for a guy who "works too damn much," he spends a lot of time on his computer looking at pictures of women.

Be well, Joe. Be well, sage.

Uncommon Beauty - m4w - 43

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Reply to: pers-247179844@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-11, 3:02AM EST


No Britneys, No Jennys, No Pams, No Jessicas, No Parises, No plastic. I do not find guttertrash or corporate images of commercialized beauty to be the least bit attractive.

I do find natural beauties such as Steffi Graf, Milla Jovovich, Charlotte Gainsbourgh, Vicky Andren, Rachel Griffiths, and others of an uncommon look to personify true beauty. Softness of demeanor, trustworthyness, a strong sense of who you are and what you like, alongside a passionate comfort go much further to getting my attention than make up and artificial scents.

I am 43 years on this rock, 5'10, 155lbs, with long brown hair, hazel eyes, and a scruffy look most of the time.
I am an ice hockey goaltender, and I skydive occassionaly,so I am in pretty good shape, better shape than some 20 - 30 year olds. I smoke, don't drink but can hang in bars with no problem, and work too damn much to play games with my free time or my relationships. I would rather be alone for the right reasons than string someone along just to have someone there.If I like you I am fiercely loyal and would do anything in my power to be there for you.

So if your between the ages of 19 and 40, in shape for your body type (pot bellied skeezers need not apply, yes it matters), thin to athletic, flat chested to a small c-cup, and attractive in an uncommon sort of way, looking for someone to cuddle up with on the occassional cold winters night, or talk to till the sun comes up, then take a chance and send a pic and an e-mail. Tell me about yourself, talk like you've known me your whole life, lets see where we it goes.

below you'll see some pics of who I consider beautiful, they are just a couple of examples, and no way are they the limits.

Just be real.

Be Well,
Joe

ps- whores, sugarbabies and guttersluts also need not apply.

The mentally deranged need love, too

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/cas/238966749.html

This post is a salad of ALL CAPS, numericals, and the equals sign.

The author is look 4 a submissive woman. How old? Well, 18== up. I'm guessing he's a Java or C programmer and is using the == boolean test to establish whether his woman's age is equal to the age of his preference. Either that or he's just weird.

Hello there, he begins, you will see my pix. And sure enough, you see his pix below the post. The prophesy is fulfilled. The pix that he encloses are, from upper left to lower right: a picture of the Pink Panther (with a caucasian human penis grafted on) having sex with Minnie Mouse, a picture of the author passed out on a bed holding his erect self, a picture of the author performing oral sex on a woman who subscribes to a religion that prohibits the use of razors, and the insides of a black woman (if you zoom in, you can actually see her pancreas). Think for a moment: this man purposefully chose these four pictures to advertise himself. He expresses through collage what words can only begin to state: he is some sort of weirdo.

If your look 4 a good man, this is the author. In case you are color blind (and if so, why would you care?), he is a white man. He puts the words ME in all caps when declaring that race is unimportant to him. I think it shows that while he is not a racist, he can still be a bad person by being egocentric.

If your looking to meet up 4 some fun sex? Good. We can meet up.

Lots of women enjoy Receiving Oral Sex (proper noun), Toys, and then being fuck. But the author insists that the woman who he encounters enjoy those things in that order. Come on, ladies, it's just common sense.

When the author began writing his ad, he was in the Bronx (thus the ad being filed in the Bronx section). But now, as of the middle of the ad, he is in westchester. This man is on the move. You better respond quickly before he magically quantum leaps somewhere (somewhen?) else.

If he likes you, you can cum on over. Where and for what, you ask? He recognizes the ambiguity in "you can cum on over," especially given the unclear context of his ad. He clarifies: to his house to get off.

I AM LOOK 4 A SUBMISSIVE WOMAN 18== up - m4w - 48

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Reply to: pers-238966749@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-23, 1:46PM EST


hello there you will see my pix . if your look 4 a good man this is me am a white man, 48 years of of age, drug free, disease free. race and is not important 2 ME . ===I AM LOOKING 4 SUBMISSIVE WOMAN.==== 18 & UP =if your looking to meet up 4 some fun sex ? good we can meet up .no strings .I AM looking 4 a woman that loves Receiving Oral Sex, Toys and THEN being fuck . I AM LOOKING 4 WOMAN THAT LIKE 2 HAVE MY DICK rub all over them . I AM LOOKING 4 THE WOMAN THAT LIKE TO BE FUCK GOOD . I AM THE MAN 4 YOU /// we can have fun. NOW I AM IN westchester . IF YOU LIKE TO MEET UP THEN YOU NEED TO EMAIL ME . AND YOU NEED A PIX OF YOU . TELL WHAT YOU LIKE .WOMEN THAT R 18 & UP THEN YOU CAN CUM ON OVER . TO MY HOME AND GET OFF

This is why I'm not an environmentalist

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/238637635.html

I was intrigued by the title of this ad. What could this gentleman possibly mean?

It seems a lot of women have difficulty recycling their Thanksgiving meal. If only turkey fit into the narrow definitions of "paper" "plastic" or "alumnium." What if your turkey is made of plastic, but stuffed with aluminum? With a glass glaze? How do you recycle it then?

This dude will help. He will eat your meal after you have eaten it. He will eat it, not from the dinner table, but "straight from your ass" (bypassing any tricky middlemen).

My problem is this: "This way I get to enjoy the same feast you did just a day later." Somehow I think it's not exactly the same feast. But I may be just pulling that out of my ass.

Also, that assumes that you don't relieve yourself at all Thurday night. In all likelihood, this dude will be helping you recycle your Friday morning Egg McMuffin. But then again, every little bit of recycling helps Mother Earth.

Recycle your Thanksgiving Meal Ladies - m4w

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Reply to: pers-238637635@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-22, 3:29PM EST


Id love help you recycle your Thursday meal. You spend Thursday feasting on your thanksgiving meal. Then Friday you feed me your recycled meal straight from your ass. This way I get to enjoy the same feast you did just a day later. Any takers ladies.

MASTERBATION/my spacebar is broken

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/239486332.html

Masterbation. We've all done it, right? Well then my search for a woman to join me isn't that unreasonable. So please read.

The author of this ad took those four sentences above and made them into one very simple sentence, conjoined by the greatest punctuation mark ever: the forward slash.

If you're unfamiliar with masterbation (or its unique spelling in Westchester), you may not know that "it can be very pleasurable." It's weird that the author has to tell us this because, according to his empirical findings, he thinks we have all done it.

He also thinks it may be a taboo subject, but he isn't very sure. He thinks we do it in private and that no one else knows about it (except, I guess, the author). This guy is the next Alfred Kinsey, minus the ability to spell.

When the author described the 69 position, he describes a very lazy sexual act. He'll just watch you pleasure yourself while you just check out his "package." I guess at 47, that may be all that he has the energy to do.

This handsome and friendly chap (maybe he's British?) will lick you to the point of orgam after you've stradled his face. He's also sincere, which is what you're probably looking for in an older gentleman who has taught you so much about masterbation.

MASTERBATION/we've all done it/iso a woman to join in/please read - m4w - 47

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Reply to: pers-239486332@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-24, 10:20PM EST


masterbation can be very pleasurable,I think we have all done it.I think maserbation is a taboo subject,it is something that we do in private,which no one usually knows about.the thought of watching someone else pleasure themselves while I pleasure
myself is quite erotic,perhaps not to the point of orgasm right away,we can switch off
& I can caress other parts of your body,perhaps slip a finger or two in your pussy while your touching yourself,& maybe slip a finger in your asshole or maybe have fingers in both holes at the same time,or I can just kiss you on the lips or lick your nipples,rub my hard cock on your nipples,or I can climb on top in the 69 position & watch you masterbate close up while you check out my package from behind,or any combination of the above,I think you get the picture.I can slowly stroke my cock while you take my balls in your mouth & slowly slip a finger in my asshole,or stradle my face & rub your hot pussy juice on my face.or we can masterbate together,kissing & touching,or I can finish bringing you to orgam with my tongue if that,s what you desire.
Please send some thoughts of what you would like & perhaps a phone # so we can make it happen.I'm a very handsome & friendly chap.D&d free & sexy & sincere.

Let's go to prison!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/237763538.html

I'm not only surprised inmates get to use the internet, I'm surprised they get to use the internet at 11:14p.

The author of this ad comforts us with the knowledge that she has never killed anybody. I feel better already.

She is in jail. For what? Well, that's something we'll find out when it's already too late to back out of her knowing who you are and having an IP she can trace to find you.

Apparently, GUARDS are GROSS, which means that all of the Cinemax movies about women in jail are GROSSly inaccurate. That's a shame. However, based on her cup size, they aren't wholly inaccurate.

Unlike most ads, which seek sex for the immediate future, this one is to plan a conjugal visit in a month. That will give you enough time to learn how to please her deepest fantasies, which include:

a) hiding cigarettes and iron files inside of your body
b) tattoos of prison blueprints all over your back
c) quickly running for governor and obtaining the ability to grant pardons
d) rape "fantasy" involving the dirty bitch who ratted her out to the police
e) role playing "game" where you dress up in women's clothes and pretend to be her, all while she dresses up in men's clothes and walks out of jail

I'm behind bars--out in 3-12 months--let's talk or .......... - w4m - 38

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Reply to: pers-237763538@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-20, 11:14PM EST


OK this has to be quick b/c I only get 30 min/day on the computer. NOOOO I didn't kill anybody. I'll explain why I'm here when we talk. Sure there are plenty of women around but no MEN except GUARDS and they are GROSS. Conjugal coming up in mid-December--hoping to hook up.
What do you think? Your pic will get mine and let's talk about it.
38-redhead (real (wink wink))very feminine, 5'7", 38DD w/ lips that can go all night long. Take a chance on me. You won't be sorry. Give me something to read to pass the time.......thanks.

Wingman Santa

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/236001749.html

So I was up at the North Pole last night when this post came to Santa's attention. (Don't think for a second that elves don't monitor NY CL CAS every minute of the day. The sexual tension at Santa's Workshop rivals that of Nordstrom's.)

Santa's initial reaction was, "Aren't you 40? Didn't I stop giving you presents before the fall of the Soviet Union?"

On behalf of the sexually needy everywhere, and hoping to one day score presents at old age myself, I pled this woman's case.

"Santa," I said, "She's been really good all year long. And," I paused trying to think of anything else in the ad that could come to this woman's defense. "She has a quick wit," was all I could come up with.

"Men don't care. Is she at least in good shape?"

"Kinda," I replied. "Sure, she appeals to neither people who want thin women nor to people who want BBWs, but there must be a whole field of men who want quick witted older women, regardless of body type, no?"

With his definitive knowledge of the sexual desires of mankind throughout Christendom, Santa said no.

"She loves leftovers."

"What does that even mean?"

"Well if the drumstick is the male organ and the stuffing is either the act or the seed, then the leftovers would be... um..."

We both paused and considered various possibilities. We then simultaneously went "ewww."

Dear Santa.......... - w4m - 40

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Reply to: pers-236001749@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-16, 11:12PM EST


I've been a really good girl all year long, and I was hoping to put in my Christmas wish a bit early. It seems that I've become all work and no play, and my wish this Christmas is to find a nice sexy man. Granted if he could even show up after Thanksgiving to deliver his own stuffing and drumstick, that would be swell too! I love leftovers!

I'm hoping Santa will bring me a guy who's a patient and creative lover, fortysomething, has a great sense of humor, witty, astute, literate, and SINGLE! I'm a tall blonde, and wish for my guy to stand above 5'10". I'm between average and BBW, quick wit, high drive, and hoping to make this a regular thing should Santa deliver!

Your pic gets mine, and I'll be waiting eagerly by the fireplace........

I understand like half of this

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/233645199.html

Where the freaks at that wanna fuck? Well I guess one's in Westchester, but if CL has taught you anything, it's that they're all over the New York metropolitan area.

Now, this post was a bit hard for me to read with the no punctuation and ALL CAPS, but lets see if I can decipher it.

WAS GOODY = Hi
IM LOOKIN FOR A NSA FREAK = I'm looking for a freak who won't act like a freak later on and expect me to like call them again or something
WITH ASS N TITTIES = But please, no one who has had their ass or breasts surgically removed or was tragically born without an ass or never developed breasts.
TO GET IT POPPIN WITH = I'd guess something to do with sex, but only due to the context of the ad
IF THATS U HOLLA AT A G LIKE ME WITH A PIC = If you meet the above description, send a picture of yourself not necessarily to me, but to someone like me. This is a class action ad, for the benefit of many caps-lock loving, punctuation hating g's.
LET ME KNOW WUT U TRYIN TO GET INTO = If you have any other preferences, let me know. Also, be aware that I learned spelling as a kid through text messaging.
NO BUSTED CHICKS = Even though I'm posting for anonymous sex on the internet at 5:57A, I don't want any ugly women. I expect you to objectively evaluate yourself and if you conclude that you're ugly, kindly disregard this ad.
U GOTTA LOOK RIGHT = No blind women either, please.
PIMP ON PIMP STRONG WORD IS BORN AND IM GONE = ? I think the first three words suggest he's open to dudes? Then it's all gibberish from there.

Where The Freaks At That Wanna Fuck - m4w - 23

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Reply to: pers-233645199@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-12, 5:57AM EST


WAS GOODY IM LOOKIN FOR A NSA FREAK WITH ASS N TITTIES TO GET IT POPPIN WITH IF THATS U HOLLA AT A G LIKE ME WITH A PIC AND LET ME KNOW WUT U TRYIN TO GET INTO NO BUSTED CHICKS U GOTTA LOOK RIGHT PIMP ON PIMP STRONG WORD IS BORN AND IM GONE

I want the spatula!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/232739688.html

I love that this post comes from Westchester.

Now I'm from the old west, where gunslinging was the traditional means of giving out punishment, and we'd usually wait for the sheriff to dole it out. But this kind lady is asking guilty people to come forward and get their comeuppance.

Not just with hands, either. You could get it with the other traditional Westchester punishment tools. Like a hairbrush. Or a bath brush (?). Or a spatula.

"But when it's all over and you're standing with your nose in the corner showing off your well-spanked bottom you'll feel better." Imagine this for a second. So she finishes spanking you. Then you turn to a corner and just stand there? And somehow you feel better?

"Write me soon, the longer you wait, the worse it will be." I like her strategy: instill fear to incentivize a reply. If you don't write her at all, she will come to your house and wail on you with a remote control. Or a playstation. Or a tire iron.

any naughty boys need a spanking? - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-232739688@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-10, 3:05AM EST


It's alright sweetie. I know you've got a lot of guilt. It's time to let it out. Be a good boy, own up to your punishment. You know that you deserve it. Tell me what you did and I'll decide just how much punishment you need. You're going to tell me exactly what you did and why you deserve to be spanked like a bad little boy. You may only need to be put over my knee and handspanked, or you may need the hairbrush, bath brush, belt or spatula. But when it's all over and you're standing with your nose in the corner showing off your well-spanked bottom you'll feel better. Write me soon, the longer you wait, the worse it will be.