Wanted: For Humping

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/505981478.html

The title for this ad is, I think, written like an old time western wanted poster, as if maybe the author wants a hump dead or alive. I like to think of myself as a good lover, but I've never really thought of myself as a good hump.

There's probably a good camel joke to be made as well, but it's not necessary.

A good place to start any male-female friendship is a blow job, but I don't know of any British-spelled theatres in New York.

wanted guy who is a good hump - w4m - 22 (Upper West Side)

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Reply to: pers-505981478@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-11, 1:40PM EST


Do you like a good adrenaline rush? I want to find a guy adventureous enough to have sex in a public place. I always thought a good place to start would be me giving you a blow job at a movie theatre. If you're up to it, email me!

Tears of Joy

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/504847603.html

This 18 year old model (who thought she was 22 when she made the subject line for her ad) can command anything... but her emotions. Her body is "really super tight and sexy," she's a model and has sexiness, she's good in bed.... so why is she on the internet looking for sex? Hmmm...

I think this is one of the rare examples where an author should mention her major flaw (the sex-crying) instead of just keeping it to herself. This way we know why she's here. (even though it's obvious from the age discrepancy that this ad is fake)

Oh, and nothing's sexier than "Please email with pictures of your package!"

I cry alot but I am good in bed - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-504847603@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-10, 1:47PM EST


Hi, commanding 18 year old model lookin for interesting companion for nsa sex. I just wanna have fun with the right guy. I like erotic dancing for a great guy that can appreciate my sexiness. I work out all the time so my body is really super tight and sexy.Please email with pictures of your package!

Staten Island

http://newyork.craigslist.org/stn/cas/443781288.html

Hey y'all. Why people be making fun of Staten Island? Just cuz we pregnant and looking 4 oral on the internet doesn't mean we trash... husband out till next friday with some ho.

pregnant & looking - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-443781288@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-08, 8:02PM EDT


hey ya'll im pregnant and looking for someone 4 oral.. if this is your fantasy let me be yours... husband out till next friday

Watersports

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/419329993.html

The author of this ad considers "takin' a piss on a girl" to be a watersport, like polo or swimming. I guess it's appropriate that the champion in that sport get a golden medal.

Seriously, what woman doesn't want to be referred to as "toilet girl"? Who knows how many love songs have been written about the toilet girl, who looked as good as she smelled.

This toilet girl is also into virtual play. Because if there's anything weirder than pissing on a stranger, it's cyberpissing on a stranger.

CWBYWLL: Ohhh, my warm piss is arching upwards into the air
TOYLETGURL4: Oh, I feel it on me. It feels so warm
CWBYWLL: Oh yeah, it's splashing back on me.
CWBYWLL: Oh, no, I'm almost done!
TOYLETGURL4: Oh baby, I'm so wet.

This girl wants to hear the nastiest fantasies of strangers on the internet. I think she's handling the nasty fantasy situation just fine on her own. Personally, I can't be with a slutty girl like this. At best, I'd put one of those plastic toilet seat covers on her face first. Who knows who else has been there?

toilet girl - w4m - 24

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Reply to: pers-419329993@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-10, 11:54PM EDT


Any guyz into watersports...takin' a piss on a girl? Would love to hear your stories and what turns you on. 24 y/o female looking to be used or maybe some virtual play. Hardcore and dominant males only, who really get off on this type of thing. Would love to hear your nastiest fantasy.

Dialogue

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418368311.html, http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418397202.html, http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418387304.html and http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418407784.html.

As there is in any public forum, there is debate on CAS. In the first post, a heavy tattooed woman posted an ad with naked pictures, asking for sex. She also posted a fairly lengthy list of requirements.

A reader responded with an angry post, criticizing the original author for stringent requirements despite fairly homely looks.

Another reader responded by saying that the original author is good looking in her own way and that it is unnecessarily mean for a person to criticize someone for being honest with who they are and what they want.

Finally a fourth reader greeted the debaters with the word "hay." He then began his contribution to the discussion as if he were writing a for...next statement. His drunken ramblings began "For I'm a big guy chubby." For what? For six words later, he retracts his statement and then adjusts it, "okay fat." He immediately defends himself "but with 11 inches ."
Already the reader is wondering, "What the hell?" And the author himself adds "what the hell."

But then the reader says what I'm sure many drunk and lonely guys were thinking: "I would hit that she look good to me she's not ugly."

Then he gets all racial: "Stop it then when the white chicks look for us black dude to service them you start that old bullshit stop it" I dont think the original ad mentioned black dudes. In fact, she limited her search to whites and Hispanics only. But somehow that old bullshit got started. And I join in this man of the people in saying it should stop. Hay now.

Looking for some fun tonight - w4m - 32

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Reply to: pers-418368311@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:08PM EDT


I am a 32 year old woman in Brooklyn looking for a younger man between 21 and 28 years or to have some fun tonight. I am really horny and need someone that can last a few hours. You must be in excellent shape, good looking, well endowed with a lot of energy. I prefer clean shaven guys with either white or light skinned hispanic. Please respond with a picture if interested and fit the requirements.

Re: Looking for some fun tonight - w4m - 32 - w4m - 32

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Reply to: pers-418387304@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:38PM EDT


1. LOL

2. So you're looking for someone in EXCELLENT SHAPE.... while you're at least 50-70 lbs over weight?

3. LOL!

4. You're looking for someone good looking.... while you look like that???????

5. LOL!!!

6. You want someone well endowed... why would someone good looking, in excellent shape, and well endowed want to waste their energy on a fat, ugly, monster?

7. LOLLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

8. Fit the requirements????? .... you should try fitting into your own league sweety. You're really really reaching with your post.

9. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. Get Real

Re: Looking for fun tonight - 32 - w4m

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Reply to: pers-418397202@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:55PM EDT


Wow, you're an insensitive dick dude. I think she looks fine and I happen to like that body type and she has the right to look for whatever she wants. If you're so fucking hot and great, then why are you at home putting up lame ass mean shit on CL instead of going out and being the best stud you can be? As for me, I'm just chilling tonight, however for you...

Answer: Maybe it's cause you're an asshole.

Re:Re: Looking for fun tonight - 32 - w4m - m4w - 38

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Reply to: pers-418407784@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-10, 12:14AM EDT


hay,
For I'm a big guy chubby okay fat but with 11 inches what the hell I would hit that she look good to me she's not ugly. Stop it then when the white chicks look for us black dude to service them you start that old bullshit stop it

IThink Ur Weird?Xtra Weird

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/414131252.html

The author of this ad likes abbreviating. She replaces "Extra" with "Xtra" and "You" with "U". She even just takes out spaces when she feels they're not necessary. I wish this was the weirdest part of the ad. It's not.

This woman is not only turned on by a large, hairy ass, but is turned on by people who try desperately to lose weight and are frustrated and unable to do so. A soup of your fat, hair and sad failure is her aphrodisiac. In the only full and complete sentence in her ad, she asks you if you feel like you are the victim of a supernatural curse causing your ass to stay fat. Only if you are so angry and distraught that you've considered that demons are ruining your ass will this woman be into you.

Also she likes butt sniffing.

She describes herself as normal. And the fact is, she may as well be. Predicting what women want is a difficult if not impossible process. I'm sure this woman is totally normal-seeming in real life and there are dozens of nice dudes trying to win her affections. And they're failing and beating themselves up for it. And little do they know that they don't have a chance because predicting what any given woman wants is like predicting the stock market. There are general trends, but if anyone was even remotely reliably accurate at it, they'd be a billionaire.

UHave Tree Trunk Thighs?Xtra Junk In Ur Trunk? Hairy Lower Body? - w4m - 29

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Reply to: pers-414131252@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 10:24PM EDT


Do you feel like you have a curse? You can not lose weight in your ass and thighs no matter what you do? I think it's hot. A guy who is fit up top with huge thighs and a chunky hairy butt, size 34", 36", 38" waist. Into butt sniffing and worship. Safe, serious. My fetish is weird but I am good looking, normal.

I lots of things

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/412867406.html

The author of this ad writes like I speak when I'm really really drunk. And if the author is drunk, that's impressive for 2:25pm.

Then again, it is Labor Day. Maybe she was at a picnic, had some beers in the yard, and then came inside to go find sex on the internet. If that's not the purpose of a federal holiday, then what is?

The author starts listing generic adjectives that apply to her (and a verb?), including "and many more." As if maybe we thought she gave us an exhaustive list and would be stunned to discover that those six words didn't sum her up entirely as a person.

She then lists such unique interests as "sports", "sex", and "going out to dinner". She's one in a million, I tell you.

But maybe that the essence of Labor Day. It's a day of the masses. A day when the faceless millions from the Long Islands of the country get to stop being cogs in an industrial machine and get to get drunk in the afternoon and be fabulously ordinary and search for whatever flirtatious and sexual release they can get before it's time to go back to work.

do u got what i'm lookin for - w4m - 21

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Reply to: pers-412867406@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-03, 2:25PM EDT


Hey Guys, How everybody doing? I hope you enjoying the weekend. Well I'm brown skin, dark brown eyes, 57, weight 170. I'm funny, outgoing, understand, blunt person, aggressive, and many more. I'm into sports, movies, sex, traveling, going out to dinner, movies, bowling, reading, listen to music, and many others. Well I'm looking for that right guy that I can talk too, hang out with, and do others thing with. A guy who is respectful, no kids, don't smoke, live by his self, knows how to dress, and treat a women. The ages are 22 and up.

Me Pretty One Day

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/409685173.html

Most of the author's friends say she has a good personality. Such an unbiased non-self-selecting pool has to be accurate! True friends would tell you, "You suck to be around and are a terrible person."

Then again, if your friends actually tell you "You have a good personality," that may just be code for "You're ugly."

The author of this ad demonstrates a mastery of second grade writing skills. She uses the following complex sentences:

1. Im looking for some fun times.
   
2. I am a nice looking girl with a pretty face.
   
3. I have nice tits and loved to have them sucked on.
   
4. I love to give oral to a man I am good at it too!
   
5. I am an attractive woman.
   
6. I have red hair.
   
7. My breasts are size 42B and I am 5'7 tall.
   
8. I live in Westchester.
   

Each of these sentences has a subject, a verb, often an adjective, and not much else. It's as if this was a sample sex ad from an introductory textbook from some "English for Casual Encounters" class.

Either that or this 22 year old has let her kid write the ad for her.

sexy single looking for casual sex - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-409685173@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-30, 8:40AM EDT


Most of my friends say that i have a good personality and fun to be around. Im looking for some fun times. I am a nice looking girl with a pretty face. I have nice tits and loved to have them sucked on. I love to give oral to a man I am good at it too! I am an attractive woman. I have red hair. My breasts are size 42B and I am 5'7 tall. I live in Westchester. Not really looking for a relationship but if it happens then for sure ill go for it! Well I hope to hear from you soon.

How I Met Your Mother

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/407781536.html

Hey Dad, tell us the story of how you met mom.

Well, gather round, kids. I always told your mom, she had me at "I am a complete whore." It all started when I read her online personal ad, posted at a little before midnight on a Monday. Sure I coulda gone for Not Your Average SWF or looking for my best friend, but my eyes drifted towards Stupid slut looking to be fucked and abused. I felt attracted immediately.

I quickly emailed her some tasks: marry me, bear my children, help raise them and nurture them. I also suggested a uniform: regular clothes. She looked disgusted, but as my slut slave, she had no choice.

And here we are today. And, my precious daughter, you remind me so much of your mom.

Stupid slut looking to be fucked and abused - w4m - 21

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Reply to: pers-407781536@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-27, 11:47PM EDT


I am a complete whore that needs to be controlled completely. I will do anything you say and obey you unconditionally at all times. I am ready and willing to take abuse, pain, and humiliation for your entertainment. All my holes are open for you.

Please e-mail me the tasks you would have me complete for you, what my duties as your slut slave would be, and my uniform in your service (public and private)

What do you think?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/405273121.html

The author of this ad goes on the defensive pretty quickly.

Her major argument for not being a whore is that, after some dude's brother walked in on her having sex, she started doing both of them and she still wants more men and will go on the internet to find some.

What's saddest about this ad is that this girl just wants attention. At least she has the (for lack of a better word) balls to back up her big talk, but bragging about being a whore is just telling everyone what low self esteem you have. This in turn makes you kind of off limits to guys because it feels like taking advantage of someone.

Ideally, if your vagina really is hungry, either act all conservative and self assured or start stuffing food up there. I suggest the former.

THINK I'M A WHORE? - w4m - 28 (Gramercy)

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Reply to: pers-405273121@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-24, 7:03PM EDT


This guy I know likes to share me with his 22 year-old younger brother.

It all started a couple of weeks ago, when his brother walked in while his older brother was fucking me. Now, they both do me at the same time all the time.

Do you think they think I'm a whore?

They just left, but I still want more. My pussy is so hungry lately.

I'm 28, 5-4, about 135 pounds and have long, brown hair and brown eyes.

Prefer company.

Too Good To Be True

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/403364655.html, http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/403368137.html, and http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/403374064.html

These three ads purport to be from attractive, busy women who want no strings attached sex. They are from different parts of the city and have different color hair. I think this has to be someone's experiment though, testing who gets more replies (the brunette, the blonde, or the black hair or the queenswoman, the brooklynite, or the manhattanite).

The brunette only has brown. She never specifies hair. In a way, don't we all have brown? And who describes their hair as black? If you like the girl who does, right her back. The blonde is the type that will fuck you senseless before she exchanges phone numbers. I guess that type is "oddly more protective over her phone number than her vagina."

The ads are posted minutes apart from each other and all include breast size and hair color but do not include race. They all ask for some variation of fuckbuddy. Nothing provided is that specific.

It's a shame these hoaxes exist, unless they're for science. Then, at least share your findings, whoever you are.

I just want a friend with benifits - w4m - 28

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Reply to: pers-403364655@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 3:04PM EDT


I'm your typical busy professional, but what I have in mind doesn't take a lot of time. My hair is blonde. My breasts are size 34B and I am 5'5 tall. I'm the type who's prepared to fuck you senseless before we exchange phone numbers. Or names. When I'm at home alone, odds are I've brought work from the office with me. I like my partners to be willing to lay down the law since I've been very, very bad. For me a perfect Friday night is a discreet encounter with a hot friend. Feel free to drop me a line only if you're looking for some discreet fun with no strings attached. I live in Queens. Contact me if you want to hook up.

sex buddys with no strings attached - w4m - 20

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Reply to: pers-403368137@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 3:07PM EDT


I am a girl who is looking for fun. By that I don't mean exclusively sex, but it has to be a very big part of it. I like to have sex all the time. Here are my measurements. 5'7 tall. 36D breasts. I have black hair. I am interested in finding someone who is not scared to include the more personal side of sex like caressing, licking, giving each other a sensual massage, having a bath together etc One of the things I love is after having had mind shattering sex to fall asleep in each others arms to wake up there the next morning only to start over again... I like listening to music, going to the movies, reading books and magazines, fast cars or just chilling out. Looking for a man or woman around Brooklyn. Right me a message if your interested.

looking for a friend with benifits - w4m - 23 (Financial District)

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Reply to: pers-403374064@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 3:14PM EDT


I am a teacher and a big sports fan--my favorite is baseball. I live in Financial District. I am a very social person. I have brown, my breasts are 36C, and I am 5'5 tall. In the summer months I am almost always enjoying the outside I like to spend time with my friends and family. I can also be pretty girly. I love to get manicures and pedicures and I am never opposed to a spa day. I am an easy woman to please and just looking for a fuck buddy, not a soul mate. Contact me if you want to hook up.

Chocolate Covered Anus

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/cas/402054631.html

The author of this ad is covered in chocolate and is interested in anal play. It makes you wonder exactly what kind of chocolate she's covered in.

The author wants some sexual acts. That's very specific of her.

She thinks that married men know how to treat the women like a queen. But the married men who cheat on their wives, by definition, kind of treat the women badly, no? So it seems that, by definition, the author's an idiot. Also, married men searching for sex on the internet probably haven't had oral or anal loving in years.

The author wants an attractive and tall but average bult guy. Me, I prefer a woman to be bult out of chocolate. No offense to other ethinociracygracities. I mena, everyone is entitled to say they want their men to be perferably married arent they?

SBW seeks white (perferably married) male for some sexual acts - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-402054631@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-21, 12:14AM EDT


I am a dark yummy chocolate covered woman who is seeking a white male (pererably married, since they know how to treat the women like a queen)for some oral and anal loving. I am looking for an attractive, tall, average bult guy no older than 30. No offense to other ethincitities.. this is just my preference..i mena everyone is entitled to their preference arent they?

I'm not a zombie. But I am undead and sure do like eating brains.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Ask yourself if this is where you want to be 20 or 30 years from now

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/393605016.html

The only strong psychological component to this "paddling a strange 40 year old woman I met off the internet while I should be with my wife and teenage kids" is the backlash from whatever traumatic event ruined your life and sent you from an intelligent religious man into this sad, sad freak.

Personally, I'm curious why the author if this ad is open enough to be spanked and paddled by a complete stranger at 7:03a on a weekday, but insists her disciplinarian be Jewish. I'm pretty sure if you asked your rabbi, "Hey, can I get spanked by a stranger?" he would respond, "As long as he's Jewish." Would it otherwise be an abomination?

Why does he need to be intelligent? I'm not just going to have any brute whip me, you say. He has to have a degree in Art or Business before he can paddle my ass. Paddles are very very complicated and hard to operate and, in the hands of a moron, someone could get hurt nonsexually.

Also, what's with this "possibly a whipping" business? Are you suddenly coy? Is this playing hard to get in the world of Jewish s&m? I thought I was the one setting the strict rules. Just for that, you're getting whipped.

Spanking/Paddling/Possibly a Whipping - w4m

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Reply to: pers-393605016@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-10, 7:03AM EDT


You set the strict rules and administer the punishments.

You are a strict disciplinarian,Jewish, late 50's plus very into disciplining a pretty 40ish lady. You are very intelligent and understand there is a strong psychological component to this.

But what?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/393164311.html

Following the same theme as the last ad, the author of this ad wants "everything but..." but then asks for "a nice hard cock to fill my wet hole." Back where I come from, that's "everything," a concept so distinct from "everything but..." that it necessitated the creation of the term "everything but..."

I wonder what devious thing comes after the ellipsis and if I even wanted it to begin with.

Everything but... - w4m

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Reply to: pers-393164311@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-09, 3:33PM EDT


I need a nice hard cock to fill my wet hole.
Please be sane. I can host sometimes, but you must host as well.

Not looking for an apartment or a job

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/392599964.html

The author of this ad may be posting on CL, but she wants discreet sex only. What else was on the table, anyway? That's pretty much the whole shebang. The word "only" is more appropriate for ads like this one, where there's no actual "physical contact," just substantial weirdness.

Personally, I am looking for discreet sexy only. I'm not sure if only or sexy is the noun in that sentence, but regardless, it needs to be discreet. If my mom knew anything about my sexy (or my only?), I'd be in trouble!

The trick to CL is that I never know what to do after reading these ads. This author simply tells me what to do: Respond to ad. Why didn't I think of that on my own? Oh that's right, I know nothing about you except that you're illiterate and desperate.

A girl in college once told me that you'd be surprised what people will do if you just ask them. Maybe the author here is right: just say "respond to ad" and people will just go, "Um, okay."

Write me fan mail.

***WANT DISCREET SEX ONLY*** - w4m - 20

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Reply to: pers-392599964@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-08, 9:05PM EDT


ARE YOU LOOKING FOR DISCREET SEXY ONLY??
LET ME KNOW IF I CAN HELP.
RESPOND TO AD.

Just barely heterosexual

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/391991479.html

This ad seeks a heterosexual encounter. However, the heterosexual encounter it describes is the bare minimum of what constitutes heterosexuality, inasmuch as it involves a w and a m.

The ad begins with wrestling, which is the starting point for much gaiety, from the nude muscle men of Ancient Greece, to the testosterone-sur-testosterone soap opera of the WWE, to foxy boxing.

The ad continues with the big blonde literally spanking the dominance and masculinity out of her past boyfriends. The author isn't interested in legitimate competition: she insists on a sparring partner who is physically incapable of beating her. What turns her on is the man losing: the man being essentially the woman in this dance around the obvious.

What I'm curious about is, if this is sexual (and I figure it is because it is on CL and because the author wants a cute guy), how can the man penetrate if he is pinned? The only way I can think of is if he is pinned by a girl with his back facing the floor, which isn't so much wrestling as it is just plain sad for both people involved.

Then again, getting beaten up by a girl who calls herself a bully is still the best chance a guy has for sex at 330a. It may be better to have loved and gotten beaten up than never to have loved at all.

Big Blonde Likes To Wrestle - w4m - 23 (Upper West Side)

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Reply to: pers-391991479@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-08, 3:30AM EDT


I was physically active, playing sports in both high school and college. I
enjoyed both the exercise and the competition. Now that I'm out of college,
I'm looking for a way to replace what I received from sports. I've always enjoyed wrestling. My boyfriends were always afraid to wrestle me, because I'd
not only beat them, I'd spank them....And right now I'm between relationships.

I'm a big girl. I'm 6 feet tall and 202 pounds. And, believe it or not, I can
bench press my weight. I'm looking to wrestle cute guys who are no heavier
than 180. Why? Because I like winning and if I lose, I might lose my incentive
to continue wrestling. Also, in all honesty, I'm kind of a bully, and it's a
turn-on for me to pin guys to the floor. Very often I get off from pinning a
cute guy. As I mentioned before, I'm also into spanking, so you should be okay
with that. And if you win, you can spank me also. So....

Ay papi! I fall upon the thorns of life!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/385710268.html or translated

This ad was originally written en español. Thanks to Google Language Tools, however, I was able to have it translated into not just the crass vernacular of CL, but to what could pass for the verses of Percy Bysshe Shelley.

The author has two parallel, conflicting desires: to suck and to swallow. She can't do both, can she? But, as Shelley noted in Ode to the West Wind, the wind can be both "Destroyer and Preserver." So too this woman can suck and swallow.

The author likes the great and heavy yards. Why? Well because it absorbs her teats, which is pretty incredible. Unless her teats are water and your great and heavy yards are a sponge, but that wouldn't make any sense.

The author will put herself in four for you, which I think means she will bend over on all fours. At least I hope it means that.

The author bends over on all fours for you. She is dunked!
Much like Shelley falls upon the thorns of life. He bleeds!
This ad is so ripped off.

Up next, the author's totito (a dog that lives in kansas?) wants to be stretched by a "great and heavy tiny beast." Such a mythical creature of conflict, that is both great and tiny, is already stretching my mind. Hopefully it will leave my totito alone.

Ay papi, dame your milk! I'm sick of daming it for you. And if you absorb this girl's teats, you're just going to dame it anyway. I think.

ay papi, dame your milk! - w4m (Inwood/Wash Hts)

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Reply to: pers-385710268@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-30, 10:37 P.M. EDT


I have desire to suck and to swallow. I like the great and heavy yards. I like Latin and brown.

it absorbs my teats and I put myself in four for you, papi.

I am dunked and I want to suck and to swallow milk.

my totito wants to be stretched by a great and heavy tiny beast… ay papi, dame your milk!

Money for Sex

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/335870200.html

Traditionally, craigslist has been a haven for women to basically ask for a money-for-sex exchange. This is mostly because men have such a hard time as it is acquiring sex from craigslist that they can't be picky and ask for things like money (or thinness).

This ad is unique that this woman is looking for a kept man. She offers generousity, which is British for generosity. However, it's not an entire role reversal as this woman is emasculating her man by reducing him to her child. Though this trope is not entirely lost on the other prostitute ads (referring to the benefactors as "daddys"), it does little to change the idea that it's the man that has to support the woman.

It's a little strange that "mom" is looking for a man at 5:56am on a Tuesday. Also, her idea of what young men do is a little weird as she anticipates responses with myspace pages. She wants 22-30 but seems to be expecting 15-17.

Looking for Mommy to take care of you? - w4m - 34

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Reply to: pers-335870200@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-22, 5:56AM EDT



34 yr old white female looking for a 22-30 yr old white hottie looking for some generousity. I am looking for a long term arrangement instead of a hookup. You must be smart, healthy, and young, d/d free (this includes 420 - yes, that's a drug.) If you are interested, tell me a little about yourself and interests. Please include complete and pic in reply. Willing to help students, but you must have a somewhat flexible schedule and be willing to get a passport so we can travel. You must own a suit and have impeccable manners so that you can accompany me to work events.

I'm 34, 5'11" 135 lbs, long auburn hair, blue eyes, 36C, very generous.

Please no one line replies, or myspace pages. Replies without pic, one liners, or irrelevant answers will be discarded.

Goosebumps

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/330303170.html

This doesn't even sound like a good idea. At best, it sounds not stupid. In practice, reading 120 pages of 7th grade horror while your fingers are inside of some stranger from the internet's navel is just awkward.

But, then again, guys have a demand for sex that is willing to accommodate the bizarre whims of the short supply. So men who aren't belly button fetishists per se will likely fake it because, hey, we're willing to pretend if it means sex. But seriously, after 3 chapters of reading while a girl's fingers lie limp and useless inside of your belly button, even the desperate-est guy will start to wonder what the hell he's doing.

If this girl is the girl of your dreams, you're probably in the 7th grade yourself. You're not sure what sex entails and figure it has something to do with belly buttons. Your ideal date involves reading Fear Street and a woman who says "totally serious." You've got a lot of growing up to do.

Also, who writes "signed" at the end of a letter? It's implied, weirdo.

"Please let that be you..." - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-330303170@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-13, 10:26PM EDT


You: hot greek stud, big muscles and a huge cock.
MUST HAVE A BELLY BUTTON FETISH!!
I want to put my fingers in your belly button while I read R.L. Stine novels out loud to you.
Come on baby.
Come and get it, if you dare.



reply only if you're totally serious.
signed,
the girl of your dreams.