I lots of things

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/412867406.html

The author of this ad writes like I speak when I'm really really drunk. And if the author is drunk, that's impressive for 2:25pm.

Then again, it is Labor Day. Maybe she was at a picnic, had some beers in the yard, and then came inside to go find sex on the internet. If that's not the purpose of a federal holiday, then what is?

The author starts listing generic adjectives that apply to her (and a verb?), including "and many more." As if maybe we thought she gave us an exhaustive list and would be stunned to discover that those six words didn't sum her up entirely as a person.

She then lists such unique interests as "sports", "sex", and "going out to dinner". She's one in a million, I tell you.

But maybe that the essence of Labor Day. It's a day of the masses. A day when the faceless millions from the Long Islands of the country get to stop being cogs in an industrial machine and get to get drunk in the afternoon and be fabulously ordinary and search for whatever flirtatious and sexual release they can get before it's time to go back to work.

do u got what i'm lookin for - w4m - 21

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Reply to: pers-412867406@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-03, 2:25PM EDT


Hey Guys, How everybody doing? I hope you enjoying the weekend. Well I'm brown skin, dark brown eyes, 57, weight 170. I'm funny, outgoing, understand, blunt person, aggressive, and many more. I'm into sports, movies, sex, traveling, going out to dinner, movies, bowling, reading, listen to music, and many others. Well I'm looking for that right guy that I can talk too, hang out with, and do others thing with. A guy who is respectful, no kids, don't smoke, live by his self, knows how to dress, and treat a women. The ages are 22 and up.

Ask yourself if this is where you want to be 20 or 30 years from now

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/393605016.html

The only strong psychological component to this "paddling a strange 40 year old woman I met off the internet while I should be with my wife and teenage kids" is the backlash from whatever traumatic event ruined your life and sent you from an intelligent religious man into this sad, sad freak.

Personally, I'm curious why the author if this ad is open enough to be spanked and paddled by a complete stranger at 7:03a on a weekday, but insists her disciplinarian be Jewish. I'm pretty sure if you asked your rabbi, "Hey, can I get spanked by a stranger?" he would respond, "As long as he's Jewish." Would it otherwise be an abomination?

Why does he need to be intelligent? I'm not just going to have any brute whip me, you say. He has to have a degree in Art or Business before he can paddle my ass. Paddles are very very complicated and hard to operate and, in the hands of a moron, someone could get hurt nonsexually.

Also, what's with this "possibly a whipping" business? Are you suddenly coy? Is this playing hard to get in the world of Jewish s&m? I thought I was the one setting the strict rules. Just for that, you're getting whipped.

Spanking/Paddling/Possibly a Whipping - w4m

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Reply to: pers-393605016@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-10, 7:03AM EDT


You set the strict rules and administer the punishments.

You are a strict disciplinarian,Jewish, late 50's plus very into disciplining a pretty 40ish lady. You are very intelligent and understand there is a strong psychological component to this.

Garfield Enters the World of Online Dating

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/330513370.html

This gentleman has conflicting views on Mondays. He begins his ad stating his distaste for the first business day of the week, but then describes the day itself as one filled with possibility and opportunity and even calls it "beautiful Monday" towards the end of his ad.

You could meet this stranger in a park or by the beach and if you are mutually turn on, you could have mind blowing off the wall sex for hours. I'd be surprised if someone who lacks the subtlety to use lower case letters at all is a delicate enough lover to make sex mind blowing or off the wall. In his defense, at the age of 44, sex may take hours before he can develop an erection.

This man is a professional, but not so professional that he has to be at work or that he can't be absent for hours upon hours. Also, if this guy is 44 and single and rich, you should immediately start wondering what terrible nonobvious flaw this guy has that has rendered him posting for sex at 1037a on a Monday, well into his 40s.

Then again, he has curky hair and he can make today a day to remember... as the day you got herpes.

I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS!!!! - m4w - 44

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Reply to: pers-330513370@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-14, 10:37AM EDT


I HATE MONDAYS..........SO I TOOK OFF TODAY. WOULD LOVE TO MAKE THE BEST OF THIS DAY. IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUT, WE COULD MEET IN A PARK OR NEAR THE BEACH. HAVE A COFFEE, CHAT, GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER AND IF WE ARE BOTH MUTUALLY TURN ON BY EACH OTHER MAKE THE BEST OF THE DAY BY HAVING MIND BLOWING OFF THE WALL SEX WITH EACH OTHER FOR HOURS......SOUND GOOD? ME PROFESSIONAL, 6'1 DARK CURKY HAIR, BLUE/GREEN EYES AND A BODY THAT WILL MAKE LOVE TO YOU FOR HOURS...NON-STOP. LETS CHAT AND EXCHANGE SOME PICS. WHY LET THIS BEAUTIFUL MONDAY GET AWAY, WHEN WE COULD MAKE IT A DAY TO REMEMBER.........

Goosebumps

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/330303170.html

This doesn't even sound like a good idea. At best, it sounds not stupid. In practice, reading 120 pages of 7th grade horror while your fingers are inside of some stranger from the internet's navel is just awkward.

But, then again, guys have a demand for sex that is willing to accommodate the bizarre whims of the short supply. So men who aren't belly button fetishists per se will likely fake it because, hey, we're willing to pretend if it means sex. But seriously, after 3 chapters of reading while a girl's fingers lie limp and useless inside of your belly button, even the desperate-est guy will start to wonder what the hell he's doing.

If this girl is the girl of your dreams, you're probably in the 7th grade yourself. You're not sure what sex entails and figure it has something to do with belly buttons. Your ideal date involves reading Fear Street and a woman who says "totally serious." You've got a lot of growing up to do.

Also, who writes "signed" at the end of a letter? It's implied, weirdo.

"Please let that be you..." - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-330303170@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-13, 10:26PM EDT


You: hot greek stud, big muscles and a huge cock.
MUST HAVE A BELLY BUTTON FETISH!!
I want to put my fingers in your belly button while I read R.L. Stine novels out loud to you.
Come on baby.
Come and get it, if you dare.



reply only if you're totally serious.
signed,
the girl of your dreams.

Ol' King Cole

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/314740821.html

Hi, Ladies. The author of this ad just wants to you to know one thing: he has the pole.

Glasses drop from hands and shatter on the ground! Men in tuxedos bolt from their parties and into the streets. Police sirens echo off in the distance. Santa Claus suddenly questions whether his land has been invaded.

He has the pole!

The author only realized this at 10:20am this morning. Oh my goodness! I have the pole! He raced to craigslist to share the news.

Further, he is looking a hole to plant his pole. Not only is that big news, but it rhymes! How often does that happen?

The author only wants women who are interesting to email him. I think any woman who reads this and even considers emailing this guy is, by definition, interesting to say the least.

Then, without any punctuation at all, the author thanks you for reading. What a gracious guy. No wonder the gods entrusted him with the one and only pole.

i have the pole - m4w - 38

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Reply to: pers-314740821@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-19, 10:21AM EDT


hi ladies just want you to know that i have the pole and am looking a hole to plant my pole so if you are intresting email me thank you all for reading

If a tree falls in the forest...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/313580379.html

If a woman takes advantage of you and you're not awake to see it, what was the point? Also, how is this guy so confident that he'll have an erection while he's passed out. On that note, how does he intend to ensure he'll be passed out?

My only guess is, Romeo and Juliet style, he'll overdose on Valium and Viagra and wait for his beloved to meet him.

I find it odd this gentleman calls his erection "raging" considering the rest of him is "comatose."

I also find it odd that this dude insists on having a woman. It's not like he'd know the difference.

If I were this dude's friend, I would just take the condom, splash some water on his pants, and leave. The next morning, he'll be as happy as a kid with bubble wrap. If I were any rational woman, though, my way of "taking advantage" of this dude would be taking his wallet and getting the heck out of the hotel.

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME WHILE I AM PASSED OUT - m4w - 36

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Reply to: pers-313580379@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-17, 1:23PM EDT


HERE'S THE SCENARIO, YOU COME TO MY LOCAL HOTEL ROOM TONITE AROUND 10PM, I LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN, YOU COME INTO THE ROOM AND FIND ME PASSED OUT ON THE BED. BEST OF ALL I HAVE A RAGING ERECTION. NOW YOU CAN COMPLETELY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME. DO WHATEVER YOU DESIRE INCLUDING MOUNTING MY COCK. I WILL LEAVE A RUBBER ON THE BED IF YOU WISH TO DO SO. GET IN TOUCH EMAIL OR IM ON YAHOO:
[EMAIL ADDRESS] AT YAHOO DOT COM

Casual Encounters Was Our Thing

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/261301393.html

When I was in college, I dated a girl. She and I always rented the same video from the video store and watched it together. It was our thing. After we broke up, I went to the video store to select my own evening entertainment and I discovered our video was checked out. I felt sad because I knew she had it. She was watching it without me. Sure, it was just a piece of hard plastic and magnetic tape, but it was signifigant to us. It was the only physical thing that I associate with a relationship between two people, a bond that no longer exists.

Out on Long Island, a man is going through what I went through. Except, instead of Blockbuster Video's copy of Brain Donors, this man shared something even more special with his girlfriend: that site on the internet with all the sex ads.

Frankly, if CL was what you had with your girlfriend, I'm surprised you were surprised by anything in that relationship. How did you expect your relationship to end? If she's a CL regular, you should have seen that threesome with transsexuals coming miles away. Sorry, it's just how it is.

The author misses the hot sex. He's quite the sweet talker, I must say. I especially like how you refer to your lovemaking with your girlfriend as "encounters." It sounds as intimate as meeting a stranger off of a text-based anonymous sex website. You guys must have really been into CL.

But time heals all wounds. A callous man would suggest you use CL to replace her instead of talking to her. But I know the truth: you can't find someone new from CL. CL was your thing.

Pretty Girl - m4w - 32

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Reply to: pers-261301393@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-11, 9:38PM EST


You know who you are if your reading this. I just want to say how this is not the way I expected our relationship to end. Frankly, never wanted it to end. I realize you have moved on and I'm happy for you but also sad and hurt that you would look so soon. You must know that you have no reason to be fearful of me. I only want the best for you in life. I miss the hot sex we had, Do you? What I wouldn't give to have one more encounter with you. It breaks my heart knowing someone else will now be inside you. I will always love you.

They're all cries for help

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/260821955.html

This post is basically saying more concisely what every other post on casual encounters is saying.

someone please do me now - m4w

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Reply to: pers-260821955@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-10, 11:57PM EST


its a cry for help.

Some sort of girlfriend thing

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/254533231.html

I want to set up one of them there girlfriend things. Some sort of girlfriend arrangement. You know what I mean. I want the whole girlfriend experience.

I'm 46, so I'm not yet too clear on how the whole thing works, I just kind of want to experience it, so I cans get the gist of it. Know what I mean?

Oh, and unlike a regular girlfriend, this here situations gonna have benefits. So I'll be able to touch you and stuff. Hopefully it'll still work.

Your sincerely,

A married guy.

SEEKING GIRLFRIEND ARRANGMENT - m4w - 46

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Reply to: pers-254533231@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-28, 1:56PM EST


ATTRACTIVE 46 MWM SEEKS GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE WITH BENEFITS.

A very strange meeting

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Do you know what I'm sick of?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/239482248.html

The author of this ad claims to have issues. I have no idea what he means. He starts off in a very caring and gentle manner, as well as being up front about his own personal limitations and insecurities.

My only concern is how he could possibly fist a woman and piss in her mouth simultaneously. Maybe he's some sort of gymnast? Maybe he just has really good aim and a phenomenal sense of concentration. Or maybe he has some sort of heat-seeking urine, engineered by the government to piss off terrorists. Oh man that would be so cool/lukewarm!

Also, he claims not to give a shit. Yet, he is sick of the bullshit. He seems to be conflicted in his attitudes towards shit. The author is quite a deep character, and I think that's an attractive quality.

I think any woman would be lucky to meet up with this 39-year old angry loner from Long Island who has offered no description of himself whatsoever, if only to experience his warmth, his generosity towards women, and the possibility of cumming like a fountain (I had no idea fountains could even orgasm).

SICK OF THE BULLSHIT - m4w - 39

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Reply to: pers-239482248@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-24, 10:06PM EST


YES I HAVE ISSUES. SO WHAT. I KNOW WHAT I WANT. IF YOU WANT IT TOO GREAT IF NOT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. SO IF ANY OF YOU CUNTS WANT ALL THREE HOLES USED THIS WEEKEND CAPPED OFF WITH MY FIST UP YOUR TWAT WHILE I PISS IN YOUR MOUTH THEN SEND YOU HOME LIKE A GOOD WHORE GET BACK TO ME. EVERYONE ELSE FUCK OFF. AND NO MEN!!! LET ME FUCK YOU LIKE I HATE YOU AND SEE IF YOU DON'T CUM LIKE A FOUNTAIN.

cannibal encounters

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/235628994.html

Either this is poorly worded or the author foresees having only a small appetite this weekend.

Would like... - m4w

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Reply to: pers-235628994@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-16, 9:34AM EST


Would like to find a clean petite woman to eat this weekend.

You may need this, in the same way that I may be Elvis

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/234609212.html

There is a chance that you need this 40 year old dude whom you know nothing about to go down on you in his van. I will concede the metaphysical possibility of that being true.

He does, after all, own a van without windows, which is ideal for such an encounter, no? And it certainly is a comfortable and relaxed environment for oral sex, one that basically lends itself to the female orgasm. Unfortunately, this is a special van that is capable only of going to exit 63. Nowhere else, or the van may explode or windows may magically appear.

You can trust him. He is very "discept" (which sounds like deception, which suggests maybe you can't trust him...)

He will go down on you until you are done. I think he means until you orgasm, but he could also mean until you have had sex (which seems impossible if he's just going down on you) or until your life is over (which seems like a good way to die, minus the dark windowless van off the long island expressway with a stranger you met off the internet part).

He looks for nothing in return (like Superman or the Gideons). He signs his name (I think) B-mat. So if you're looking for a man with a stupid nickname and a van that was probably built to transport lumber or electrical equipment and definitely not to serve as a forum for oral intercourse, you may need this guy.

Lastly, he feels the need to say twice that this is no strings attached. If some dude goes down on you in his dark windowless death-van in the middle of Suffolk county, I think it may go without saying that marriage or long term emotional ties aren't really going to be an issue.

You may need this - m4w - 40

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Reply to: pers-234609212@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-14, 8:03AM EST


Do you need a man to go down on you until you are done,NSA very discept,I have a van without windows and can meet at exit 63, I look for nothing in return but for you to enjoy a NSA orgasm,
let me know
B-mat