Bad Parenting

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/259758208.html

If your kid ends up like this, you are a bad mommy. Maybe you should have thought twice before raising a kid in New Jersey. The toxic chemicals in the air alone will mess him up.

So what that I am your son?, he asks. Mommy, I hope you can field that question. Also, while you're packing this kid some lunchables, teach little Timmy how to spell luscious.

No, on second thought, don't use that word around him.

Also, if your son can smell your vagina fom wherever he is, you need to start showering.

Mommy! I love you so much! - m4w

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Reply to: pers-259758208@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-08, 11:23PM EST


So what that I am your son! How could anyone not desire you mommy! Your lusious lips are so kissable, your magnificent breasts beg to be fondled and caressed and I can smell mommy's pussy fom here! How can I deny that I want you ! How can I resist you mommy!

Sanest Man in New Jersey

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/254503096.html

What sane, rational man has not always wanted to have sex with a midget?

Sadly, there are some parts of the USA (aka New Jersey) where midgets aren't as common as they are in say, California or Missouri or North Midgetsburg. Thus, the author of this ad hasn't been able to meet/make love to a midget.

The author is sane. Don't believe him? Well, it's varafiable. Go ahead, he'll varafy it with a certificant of sanity or maybe a sanity test where he pees on a stick and it turns purple, the chemical color of sanity residue. Trust me, the more you doubt his sanity, the less sane you probably are.

What else should you know about the author besides the fact he's sane? Well the first thing in terms of importance is that he has truck. Midgets fucking love trucks.

I'm amazed this guy spelled hygenic correctly. But then again, you have to take seriously the problems associated with dirty midgets. You could get teeny tiny herpes.

MIDGET WANTED - m4w - 28

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Reply to: pers-254503096@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-28, 12:59PM EST


ive always wanted to have sex with a midget but dont know any. im sane (varafiable), have truck, money, home, life, ect. i dont mind about you as long as youre sane & hygenic.

Hess Trucks

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/251580651.html

It's a sign of the season. Commercials on TV start incorporating snow and Jingle Bells. Gas stations start selling Hess trucks. And CL ads start having a stretched Christmas theme.

It was awkward at Thanksgiving, and it's awkward now. Heck, it was awkward a month ago.

The author of this ad keeps reminding us he isn't Santa. Some observations:

1. Anyone that denies anything three times without ever being accused of something is probably lying. So Santa (a bisexual man in his 40s looking for sex on the internet when he has a big job to do that he should be focusing on) is probably lying to kids to prevent the trauma they'd experience if they saw a close up picture of Santa's penis clutched in his jolly hand.
2. Santa's slurring his speech. What's with the y's? Why the long pauses between words, denoted by .....'s?
   
3. Who says Ho Ho Ho during sex? That's just weird.

Not to be a Scrooge, but the North Pole is cold and when you lick cold poles, your tongue will get stuck. Try explaining that to all the kids who stay up late to see Santa come down a chimney with some dude trapped inside of his already filled pants.

Have you ever licked Santa's North Pole?????? - m4mw - 40

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Reply to: pers-251580651@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-20, 12:34PM EST


Well I'm not reallyyy Santa.......But I Do Have A Pole......And It reallyyyy needs to be licked!!!!!

Remember....Santa knows who's naughty and nice......and, yea.....I'm not reallllyyy Santa, but I'm looking for boys and girls who are both naughty and nice....

If you think you fit the bill, cumm sit on Santa's lap.....of course......I'm not reallllyyyy Santa.....But......You sure will make me go "HOHoHo"

How New Jersey got its reputation

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/243390869.html

Jersey girls have a bad reputation. According to the stereotype, they're whiny, superficial, and bitchy.

This 40 year old Jersey girl disproves almost none of these terrible generalizations. First, she requests sex like she was ordering at a Chinese restaurant.

Woman: I'll have the "dick in pussy" action. Could I have that with condom?

I wonder if there's a three letter word for "dick in pussy" action? Oh well, better that she spell it out in case people knew what dick in pussy action meant but not the term sex.

If you still don't understand how sex works, the author proceeds the describe it: "I throw my legs in the air, you stick your throbbing dick in my pussy and we bang away." She asks if the reader remembers how it's done, as if I'll rack my brain thinking.

How can I forget, it's oH SO REFRESHING. Like Fanta.

The author notes how horny she is, but is willing to wait until the following morning for sex. Who even knows if she'll want it by then? Based on how many times she mentions how short she wants it to be, I don't know if the self-proclaimed sex describer will even still want it or knows how unfulfilling it may just be.

Lastly, NJ girls tend to be stuck up. A not skinny woman in her mid 40's who calls herself HOT may just fit that bill as well. Especially when, in the middle of the ad, she tells guys to please read the ad. She's picking a fight already. Well, I guess that's the tough attitude you need to survive in the Garden State.

Need 8 inches - w4m

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Reply to: pers-243390869@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-03, 7:48AM EST


attractive light skinned black lady, wants some quick "dick in pussy" action (with condom)..available Monday am only anytime between 6 am and 9..age, race no preference. Guys I only want a... quick fuck..10-15 minutes..I throw my legs in the air, you stick your throbbing dick in my pussy and we bang away .....remember how that's done? oH SO REFRESHING...for a "quick" pick me up....SERIOUS?..if so send pics.include age & height for response. will not be back to computer until late this evening (Sunday), leave info..you will not be sorry..and I hope I wont either...I am horny and need to fuck....stay up (midnight or so for me to respond) will exchange pic if chosen. I am 5'9, 155 lbs, mid 40's and HOT. GUYS, please read ad. short window of time. No long emails, if QUALIFIED AND aVAIALBLE "MY STATED time frame, leave #. This is a QUICKIE date (that could be on-going..if we hit it off)