Hess Trucks

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/251580651.html

It's a sign of the season. Commercials on TV start incorporating snow and Jingle Bells. Gas stations start selling Hess trucks. And CL ads start having a stretched Christmas theme.

It was awkward at Thanksgiving, and it's awkward now. Heck, it was awkward a month ago.

The author of this ad keeps reminding us he isn't Santa. Some observations:

1. Anyone that denies anything three times without ever being accused of something is probably lying. So Santa (a bisexual man in his 40s looking for sex on the internet when he has a big job to do that he should be focusing on) is probably lying to kids to prevent the trauma they'd experience if they saw a close up picture of Santa's penis clutched in his jolly hand.
2. Santa's slurring his speech. What's with the y's? Why the long pauses between words, denoted by .....'s?
   
3. Who says Ho Ho Ho during sex? That's just weird.

Not to be a Scrooge, but the North Pole is cold and when you lick cold poles, your tongue will get stuck. Try explaining that to all the kids who stay up late to see Santa come down a chimney with some dude trapped inside of his already filled pants.

Have you ever licked Santa's North Pole?????? - m4mw - 40

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Reply to: pers-251580651@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-20, 12:34PM EST


Well I'm not reallyyy Santa.......But I Do Have A Pole......And It reallyyyy needs to be licked!!!!!

Remember....Santa knows who's naughty and nice......and, yea.....I'm not reallllyyy Santa, but I'm looking for boys and girls who are both naughty and nice....

If you think you fit the bill, cumm sit on Santa's lap.....of course......I'm not reallllyyyy Santa.....But......You sure will make me go "HOHoHo"

There's a commandment specifically addressing this

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/243983954.html

Lust is a deadly sin, but it's vague enough that you can claim that anonymous sex won't doom you to hell. But you'd need the late Johnnie Cochran to get you out of this commandment violation.

The author is totally straight. Oh, by the way, in midtown, totally = i want a dude there while i have sex with you. Straight = any male to male contact would have to be "incidental." Cause it's not gay if it's an "incident."

The author wants a laid-back atmosphere. Maybe having sex with a strange married couple isn't really conducive to laid-backedness. Neither is the business and financial capital of the Earth.

I think it's weird to want something you know nothing about. I guess I know nothing about Heaven, so why am I trying so hard to get there? Maybe I should be breaking some commandments, too.

I Want Your Wife! - m4mw - 32 (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-243983954@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-04, 2:08PM EST


That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? I'm ready and for real.

I've never done this before, but I've seen the postings here with couples looking for this and I'd like to try it... There's something very arousing about the idea.

I should say outright that I'm totally clean and totally straight. So I'm not interested in unsafe play and I'm not comfortable with male-to-male contact (other than incidental). Other than that, I'd say almost anything goes... I'm imagining a very sensual, steamy experience that three adults can enjoy in a sultry, yet laid back atmosphere. An experience where we all are getting what we want. After that, I don't have anything specific in mind as far as what might play out. Do you?

A little more about me: I'm 32, tall, blond, professional, in decent shape, and I've been told that I'm relatively easy on the eyes. But I think more importantly, I'm also respectful, open-minded, and DISCREET. I would ask that you be too.

What's in this for me? I mean, besides sperm..

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/234592697.html

I don't see why a guy would respond to this ad. The author basically says, "Hey, you're insecure about your manliness, right? Well, why not give up altogether and let me take your wife? In fact, you should leave the bedroom altogether and whimper and cry in some other room."

I fail to see what's in this for Cowboy Will. Well, I guess the pleasure of continuing to pay for my wife's lifestyle, the confirmation that I have no manhood, the posh accomodations of my own guestroom, paying for some other dude's travel, and the kind words of my wife the next morning: "Thanks honey for letting me finally enjoy sex now that it's with someone else." Oh, and also the pleasure of having to pay for a new set of pantyhose. (Don't rip those! They cost money...)

What makes this even weirder is that on two different occasions, the author makes reference to his "seed" (three if you count the special offer of you paying his transportation fees to come do your wife in exchange for the honor of eating his adultery juice).

He travels frequently around the west (why even mention this?). Also, what does he mean west? Like not the Orthodox world? Like the New World? Like California? Does anyone even call California "the west" anymore? Is he a frontiersman?

Also, 5'10, 170, trimmed beard... this dude doesn't really sound like a bull. Heck, I could kick this guy's ass (and pull at his trimmed beard). Come on, dude. Admit it.

Your bed, your wife, my sperm - m4mw - 32

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Reply to: pers-234592697@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-14, 5:16AM EST


Admit it.

You know she isn't satisfied with your sex life. You already suspect she's had a little fun on the side when she's on a "girls' night out." And you can't blame her. She has needs. She'll always love you, for the way you pamper her and provide for her. But she deserves a man in her life. A real man. One who doesn't ask permission before he bends her over. One who tears her pantyhose open at the crotch if she doesn't take them down fast enough. One well equipped enough to fill her completely, enough to take her breath away as he bottoms out inside her. One who KNOWS how hard she will cum when she is pinned underneath him, feels his body tensing, hears his breathing get heavier... when she knows she's moments away from feeling that delicious warm rush of seed inside her.

I know you love your wife. Don't keep her waiting. What better gift can you give her, than giving her permission to ride a stallion, in the privacy of her own bed, while you listen from the guest room down the hall? She'll thank you for it in the morning.

Experienced professional white bull, 5'10, 170, dark hair, blue eyes, trimmed beard. Educated, intelligent, disease free of course. Travel frequently around the west. Contact me to make arrangements to bring me into your lives. Heck, if you want to fly me down, I'll even let you watch and eat the creampie.