The Smallest Loser

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/270134983.html

Do you really want to win a flattest chest contest? At the age of 50, I'm sure the author of this ad gets hot by being with a woman at all, so turning this dude on shouldn't be too much of a challenge.

Also, did the author need to say women only? Like maybe some dude would say "Hey! I don't have boobs at all! Where's my romantic dinner?" And legally, the author would be forced to take Joe Shmo with a flat chest to a candlelit dinner at Per Se.

This man is smart. That's why he doing this search.

Flattest chest contest (women ONLY) - m4w - 50 (Upper East Side)

---

Reply to: pers-270134983@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-29, 11:40AM EST


I get hot by being with a woman who has tiny boobs. So that's why I doing my search. The prize by the way is a romantic, sexy dinner at the restaurant of your choice. If you are cute and flat enough, you can even pick the city outside of NYC, or we can do it here. I'm a 6'2", 190, athletic and attractive guy. Totally D&D free, smart, fun and funny and serious about this.

Contest! Explain this post!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/260276492.html

I'm sponsoring a contest here on the Roundup. Be the first person to email asexr@yahoo.com and explain what the hell this post means. I think I follow it at first, but then it loses me entirely.

The title makes sense, it is fairly chilly in Manhattan this evening.

The first mumbled sentence fragment: okay, the author is in a hotel. Fine.

Mumblings #2: his girlfriend is away, making a casual encounter exciting and possible. Okay.

Mumblings #3: the tv is broken and so the author is bored and is looking for another source of amusement, like sex. Fine. "And she went along." Along with what? With the TV? Did the TV walk out of the room and the girlfriend walked out with it? Is she accompanying it to the repair shop and waiting there diligently as it's fixed, like a mother at her son's hospital bedside? Explain!

Mutterings #5-6: The author called up the bellman and asked for help (maybe for a prostitute, like in The Catcher in the Rye?)

Shit that's bananas: He lists fruit, perhaps asking for them because he ends the list with please. But he asks for a coconut? What the hell would he open it with? Why is he mentioning this? What does this have to do with anything? Have you even ever heard of a cold coconut? If he added a plum to the list, this could have been modern poetry.

Coup de Grace: The author asks for you to come over and let him lick your vagina. Possibly because the coconuts are too cold, his girlfriend is gone, and his TV is broken.

If you have a more plausible theory, send it in and become a very very very minor internet celebrity.

Cold, Cold, Cold..... - m4w - 35 (Murray Hill)

---

Reply to: pers-260276492@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-09, 10:57PM EST


Up at the hotel...my girlfriend is gone...tv set is broken and she went along...called up the bellman...I said can you help me please...a peach, a pear, a coconut please....but they're so cold....
Just come on over I wanna lick the kitty....