Modesty

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/cas/241126551.html

The author of this ad boasts a list of ten great things about himself. The last one is the fact that he is "NOT FULL OF [HIMSELF]." Not bad for a man who claims that he's 165 pounds of sexy.

He's also intelligent. Albert Einstein once posted on CL, and his ad was also entirely in caps with spelling errors, and mentioned that he wanted a relationship based entirely on sex outside of his actual relationship with a women of any age that he meets off the internet. However, like Einstein, the author was not intelligent enough to acquire a digital picture of himself. He's not George Eastman or something.

It's that humility that makes him offer himself for free. Men this sexy and well-dressed are usually on the market for thousands of dollars. Not the author. He's so humble, he begs you not to miss your chanse. He knows he'll get snapped up quickly. Especially since he's opened himself to all women, like Jesus who died for all men.

He doesn't have pics, but this bashful soul who has earned our trust confirms that you won't regret your decision to sleep with him.

He even called you sweetheart.

FREE FOR ALL WOMEN DON'T MISS YOUR CHANSE - m4w - 23

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Reply to: pers-241126551@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-28, 1:24PM EST


5'9,165 PDS OF SEXY,HANDSOME,CUTE,CHARMING,INTELLIGENT,DOMINANT,ATHLETIC,CLEAN,GOOD DRESSER,NOT FULL OF MYSELF.I'M HISPANIC(PUERTO RICAN),LIGHT SKIN,TATOO RIGHT ARM,LONG BRWN HAIR,BRWN EYES.LOOKING FOR A WOMEN DOESN'T MATTER THE AGE OR ETHNICITY. JUST LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP BASED ON SEX,I ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. IF YOUR COOL WITH THAT THEN DROP AN EMAIL AND WE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE.

P.S. DON'T HAVE PICS BUT TRUST ME SWEETHEART YOU WONT REGRET IT.

Can you read the title of the post out loud, please?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/240897538.html

I'd imagine one of the hardest parts about posting on CL is trying to find an appropriate title for your ad. "Bored" is a popular and descriptive one. "Horny" or "SWM for BBW" all tell us something about the author and his/her/their preferences.

What makes someone sit at their desk, shortly before Leno, and say, "I know!" What makes them hit the caps lock and write, "HOT COCK." What makes them pause, and then continue, "HOT COCK HOT COCK HOT COCK." What makes them write it just one more time?

"That's what you want, right?" Asks the author. If there was a chance that you didn't know what "it" referred to, he clarifies the ambiguity: "to have... sex with a stud who has a big cock."

He can make you orgasm without taking your pants off. If this is true, it assumes either:

a) The very HOT COCK that was the very centerpiece of his campaign is entirely irrelevant
b) He will cut a hole in your pants with scissors

He puts NO DISEASES in caps. Unlike "no bi-men," he's serious about that one. Just as serious as he was about his HOT COCK. And, by the way, if he feels like his cock is really hot and burning, maybe it's a little too late to worry about not making a trip to a clinic.

HOT COCK HOT COCK HOT COCK HOT COCK HOT COCK - m4w - 29 (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-240897538@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-27, 11:27PM EST


That's what you want, right? To have hot NSA sex with a stud who has a big cock.

So here's what else I have to offer - tall, athletic, single, d/d free, degreed, intelligent, funny, hung... oh and I can go all night and can make you cum without even taking your pants off.

You -- female. couples ok, no bi-men. Fun in bed. I'm in shape, expect similar. Curves OK, no BBWs though. DISEASE FREE. That's right, I don't want a trip to the clinic either.

Send your pic and your fantasy/kinks. I have mine, let's make them happen.

Medium Intensity Sex.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/240936774.html

Do you know what imma do? Imma gonna tell you.

Imma break the rubber. And you are gonna love it, baby.

This dude actually talks like that.

Are you the kind of girl who knows that, if you have sex with strangers from the internet, that maybe a condom is a good idea, and yet lets Imma McGrammar break it anyway because you "are secretly in love with the idea of feeling the warm rush of sperm filling you," then you are this dude's kind of girl.

That's a very specific kind. I don't know if you want to be that kind. I think the STD, pregnancy, and mental retardation rates among that kind of girl is somewhere around 80%.

In other news, no holding back and no pulling out = maximum intensity sex! Can you handle it?

I haven't held back or pulled out in most of the sex I've had, and to be honest, there must be more intensity possible in sex. I think, at best, he's describing medium intensity sex. Maybe if...

1) He were some sort of nano-technology-enhanced superman, like I saw having sex once in an episode of The Outer Limits
2) His sperm travelled at such incredible speed that they became either pure light or pure energy (I'm unsure how relativity works, so I'll give you credit for either).
3) The chick exploded

Imma break the rubber - m4w - 30

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Reply to: pers-240936774@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-28, 1:26AM EST


...and you are gonna love it, baby.

You are secretly in love with the idea of feeling the warm rush of sperm filling you, even though your rational side makes you tell your lovers to put on a condom.

Is this you? Then you are my kind of girl.

What do I have to offer? A thick 8 to put somewhere oh-so-tight, a promise to lick before I stick, the stamina to ride long and hard.

No holding back, no pulling out - maximum intensity sex! Can you handle it? One night only, as many rounds shot in you as you want. Pic for pic.

The new Tintern Abbey

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/240259687.html

Hi there, greets the author. But he is not just welcoming us into the ad. Nor is he bringing us into his world, 21st century Astoria. The author is taking us into a metaphysical and spiritual journey inspired by life in a monument to life and the hereafter. What Tintern Abbey was to Wordsworth, the Shore Towers are to this great poet.

His epic begins with the classic line, "I heard that theres alot of whores in this building..."

First, notice his use of multiple elipses. It's as if the entire poem and even its title are being mumbled incoherently to us. It captures the feel of desperation and insanity that permeates the air in Queens.

The author muses on buying an apartment in the Shore Towers. Why? "...so i can hook up with [the whores]"

However it's here that the author has a change of heart. He rebels against the traditional line of thinking, the conservative pro-Bush pro-Iraq War pro-fear agenda that says "move to where the whores are." It's here that he breaks with his entire culture and begins what I think is a societal revolution.

He writes, "i would rather.....stay where i am......and bang them all anyway"

Genius! The use of pause, the unexpected twist, the notion that there is a false dichotomy between moving and not banging whores. It breaks down the very structure of what constitutes an ad. After all, he doesn't even say he wants women to reply and have sex with him. He describes neither the type of woman he wants nor himself. No one would possibly respond to this ad...and yet...i believe... by reading the ad....we have already responded to it! This may be the very work that brings the change needed in our society to bring down all inequality and turn us into a community of pure radiant love.

The poem ends in what many would call a question, but what I would describe as "a call." He asks, "whore r u?"

This could be read both as "Where are you?" calling out towards the iconic "whore who lives in this apartment building" and asking her to identify where she is so the author can bang her and as "whore are you?" asking the reader if she herself may also be a whore, like the ladies of Astoria.

I see the day when tour groups by the hundreds descend upon the ruins of the Shore Towers to search for the same inspiration that guided this genius to produce such a work of art.

Hi there........Shore Towers ....Astoria - m4w - 35

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Reply to: pers-240259687@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-26, 8:00PM EST


I heard that theres alot of whores in this building.......
and that i should buy an apt. there......so i can hook up with them
i would rather......stay where i am......and bang them all anyway
whore r u?

Red Haeds are Sexy!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/240402922.html

I like red head. Sorry.

The author if this ad, in his forty years of life, love, and no spelling lessons, has had all of the other colors in the Crayola box. He's slept with Magenta heads, with blondes, with Turqouisettes, and determined that red is the best. His apologies to those women whose hair colors deny them the opportunity to mate with this rare specimen of a man: well aged, single, educated, and in Queens.

Believe it or not, the author is not looking for a girl friend. He is just looking for a woman who has the same needs that he has. They are (based on his punctuation):

1. horny sexy love sex and maybe not getting enough (i feel that this one is a little ambiguous and/or is actually four requirements)
   
2. not looking to be tied down (ambiguous: a restatement of his desire for a no-strings situation or a preference for women who aren't into bondage?)
   
3. looking to have fun in bed (who's looking for ennui?)

The author is open/mined, which means that he is exposed and barren after men with pick-axes ripped out all of the natural resources buried beneath the soil of his skin. Some women are into that.

Ladies, please stop bye and say Hello' to this man. THINK YOU! (What I love about the ad is that he implores you to stop and think, quite the welcome dose of intellectualism in an otherwise crass website).

NATURAL RED HAED ONLY - m4w - 40

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Reply to: pers-240402922@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-27, 3:04AM EST


I like red head,Sorry I've had all the other colors and red is the best.Not looking for a girl friend just a woman who may have the same needs i have and that is.you are horny sexy love sex and maybe not getting enough.not looking to be tied down,looking to have fun in bed.im easy going open/mined DD SMOKE FREE 5'11 170 Brown hair & eyes 7inch cock. and very creative in & out of bed.Please no pro's I dont want to sign up at some porn site to see your pic's.If your out there & your intrested stop bye and say Hello' your photo gets mine.... THINK YOU

Lesbian Frank McCourt

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/cas/240024100.html

I don't know if you've ever been to the Bronx, and if you're a Master of the Universe then you probably haven't, you know that folks there speak with Irish slang. This is the environment from which Tis my Tasty was born. Tis means it is and tasty, from the context of the ad, I guess means vagina. Thus, in American English, the title would be "It is my Vagina." The subtitle would be "But I will share it with you."

The ad begins with a commentary on the state of contemporary affairs: It should be much more simple (simpler?) than it has been. True!

After a reasonable request for women to hook up with the author, she clarifies: we simply take care of each other in that way. I don't see what this adds to her previous request, but it makes it sound like finding a chick to make out with on the internet is some sort of community building effort.

The author has no time for men. However, she has time for women. A lot of bi women only date women because men take up too much time in general. It takes forever for men to orgasm, to go to the bathroom, for them to get off of their period, to get dressed and put on makeup. It's an understandable yet unfortunate situation.

Tis my Tasty - w4w - 31

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Reply to: pers-240024100@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-26, 10:26AM EST


It should be much more simple than it has been. Any single women in the area interested in hooking up? We simply take care of each other in that way. I'm attractive, clean and dd free. I am bi but have no time for men. I want to just get together with my homegirls and make mouth happy. So, holla if you hear me. Please reply with pics and I will do the same.

The mentally deranged need love, too

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/cas/238966749.html

This post is a salad of ALL CAPS, numericals, and the equals sign.

The author is look 4 a submissive woman. How old? Well, 18== up. I'm guessing he's a Java or C programmer and is using the == boolean test to establish whether his woman's age is equal to the age of his preference. Either that or he's just weird.

Hello there, he begins, you will see my pix. And sure enough, you see his pix below the post. The prophesy is fulfilled. The pix that he encloses are, from upper left to lower right: a picture of the Pink Panther (with a caucasian human penis grafted on) having sex with Minnie Mouse, a picture of the author passed out on a bed holding his erect self, a picture of the author performing oral sex on a woman who subscribes to a religion that prohibits the use of razors, and the insides of a black woman (if you zoom in, you can actually see her pancreas). Think for a moment: this man purposefully chose these four pictures to advertise himself. He expresses through collage what words can only begin to state: he is some sort of weirdo.

If your look 4 a good man, this is the author. In case you are color blind (and if so, why would you care?), he is a white man. He puts the words ME in all caps when declaring that race is unimportant to him. I think it shows that while he is not a racist, he can still be a bad person by being egocentric.

If your looking to meet up 4 some fun sex? Good. We can meet up.

Lots of women enjoy Receiving Oral Sex (proper noun), Toys, and then being fuck. But the author insists that the woman who he encounters enjoy those things in that order. Come on, ladies, it's just common sense.

When the author began writing his ad, he was in the Bronx (thus the ad being filed in the Bronx section). But now, as of the middle of the ad, he is in westchester. This man is on the move. You better respond quickly before he magically quantum leaps somewhere (somewhen?) else.

If he likes you, you can cum on over. Where and for what, you ask? He recognizes the ambiguity in "you can cum on over," especially given the unclear context of his ad. He clarifies: to his house to get off.

I AM LOOK 4 A SUBMISSIVE WOMAN 18== up - m4w - 48

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Reply to: pers-238966749@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-23, 1:46PM EST


hello there you will see my pix . if your look 4 a good man this is me am a white man, 48 years of of age, drug free, disease free. race and is not important 2 ME . ===I AM LOOKING 4 SUBMISSIVE WOMAN.==== 18 & UP =if your looking to meet up 4 some fun sex ? good we can meet up .no strings .I AM looking 4 a woman that loves Receiving Oral Sex, Toys and THEN being fuck . I AM LOOKING 4 WOMAN THAT LIKE 2 HAVE MY DICK rub all over them . I AM LOOKING 4 THE WOMAN THAT LIKE TO BE FUCK GOOD . I AM THE MAN 4 YOU /// we can have fun. NOW I AM IN westchester . IF YOU LIKE TO MEET UP THEN YOU NEED TO EMAIL ME . AND YOU NEED A PIX OF YOU . TELL WHAT YOU LIKE .WOMEN THAT R 18 & UP THEN YOU CAN CUM ON OVER . TO MY HOME AND GET OFF