Attack of the GIANT BREAST!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/303405799.html

This ad cuts straigh to the point: the author has a giant breast! Thus, you should sleep with her. What part of that equation needs further explanation?

I urge you not to focus on the regular sized breast that sits to the left of and somewhat beneath her enormous sister. She doesn't even get a mention in this ad.

She mentions five separate times that she is a heavy woman. This is especially interesting given the brevity of the ad. Not including "and" and "with," the ad has 16 words and numbers, of which 5 tell you that she's a big woman. Over 1 out of every 3 words of this ad is "I'm HUGE." That's an amazing ratio.

All this generous, thick And sexy woman wants from you is to cover her cap fare. Why? Because in addition to having a GIANT BREAST, she also has a GIGANTIC THIN SKULL, which requires a huge hat to keep her head warm.

Hats cost money, people. $$

THICK And SEXY BBW with GIANT BREAST - w4m - 33 (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-303405799@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-30, 8:40PM EDT


just cover my cap fare $$
5'5 235lbs Beautiful and shapely

How can a baby pay you back?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/302936608.html

What is it that the author of this ad likes about wearing diapers? Does she think her ass looks good in Huggies? Does she just like being able to relieve herself in public? I'm surprised she made the brave decision to reveal this about herself.

Also, how does the author know she likes baby food? I guess when you wear diapers, it's not the biggest leap to say, "Hmm... Might as well try some Gerber's Strained Peas." I also wonder how the author can incorporate smashed carrot paste into something sexual with her creepy internet daddy.

I don't think any baby should look for a daddy who's attracted to their baby daughter, so I'm not sure exactly what "experience" the author is looking for. If the dad is looking for 18 year olds on the internet, I'm guessing his first "experience" at being a baby daddy didn't work out so well.

But I do give the author credit though. Only a real baby would confuse fraternal and paternal.

adult baby needs her diaper changed - will repay her Daddy! - w4m - 18

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Reply to: pers-302936608@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-30, 1:19AM EDT


I like to wear diapers.. have accidents.. have Daddy clean me up and play with me. I like to eat baby food, be fed... be cooed at.. sleepin cribs... drink from bottles...I want a loving dominant Daddy who seeks a REAL baby girl who will do ANYTHING to make her loving Daddy as happy as he can be. Must be older and must be somewhat experienced for me to get into the role. Please contact me if you have that fraternal instinct.. baby needs her Daddy!!!!!!!!!! And baby will make it up to her Daddy! ;)

I wonder what this guy pairs with a bagel

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/302433823.html

Hi, could I get some coffee and a donut? What's that? Out of donuts? Hmmm... Okay. I'll take a coffee and some hard cock.

In the great donut shortage of 2002, the above monologue was performed at Dunkin Donutses all over the city, thousands of times each morning.

The author of this ad woke up horny. It must be the fact it's 49 degrees outside! Tepid, not hot or cold partly sunny skies turn me on, too.

His genitals are so hard he could hammer nails with it. Instead, he'd like to hammer the most sensitive part of your body. Does this sounds like a good idea to you? I understand some women like it rough, but I also understand that women don't like to be bludgeoned like they're made of iron.

G-stop? Are people calling it that these days?

The author also brags that his apartment has been "photgraphed for a number of design mags." Why do I think that this guy may be imagining his boyfriend while he's hammering your ass, assuming you were hot enough to qualify (I'm sorry, youre hot enough for regular sex, but you're just not ass-quality this morning...).

Also, this dude surfs? Where? The Hudson river? I'm guessing he surfed in his Hawaiian youth and now, at the age of 35, is trying desperately to seem young and hip. Maybe he should stick to design mags.

COFFEE AND SOME HARD COCK? HOT/HUNG FOR YOUR WET WAXED PUSSY - m4w - 35

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Reply to: pers-302433823@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-29, 9:22AM EDT


Woke up so horny- must be the weather! my cock is so hard i could hammer nails with it but i'd rather hammer your cute pussy and if youre really hot your tight little ass as well..i'm handsome, hung -8 inch g-stop hitting cock, slim and very trim (swimmers body, sexy eyes, talented mouth, great hands) and am hot for your cute shaved or waxed kitty

Me: 5'10, 155lbs, very fit- surf and do triathlons, sane, smart, have a very nice apt- photgraphed for a number of design mags if you care about that sort of thing, love to fuck deep and hard, have great stamina, and of course play safely... sound good to you? off today and love morning sex

You be: 20-35y/o, 100-140lbs, spirited, open minded, well groomed kitty, fit, be a good kisser, (orally inclined, I want to taste all of you) ,be adventurous (a little raunchy is fine with me) and know that you're sexy all over, possess a dirty mind, be comfortable with this sort of nsa adult fun and are dd free and sane as well.. get back to me asap with a good description of yourself and or a foto

Innocent Means Weird

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/272222019.html

The author is self aware enough to realize he sounds like a freak. Luckily, that's fine with him.

So what happens in this guy's fantasy is that he meets you at lunch "when I know on your door and you let me inside to warm up."

Somehow he's meeting you at "lunch" which involves you being inside of your apartment and him being outside of it. That's not "lunch," that's "you being at home."

Also, he wants to know on your door. If this is knowing in the Biblical sense, he wants to have sex on your door, interrupted only when you let him inside to warm up (though shouldnt sex with your door have made him warm enough?)

His "I remove a piece of clothing, you do the same," thing assumes you're wearing an equal number of articles of clothing. Otherwise there's going to be an awkward thing at the end where one person just strips. Luckily the awkwardness of that will be dwarfed by the spontaneous massage/masturbation-fest.

Innocent fun - m4w - 28 (Chelsea)

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Reply to: pers-272222019@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-02, 8:39AM EST

I realize I'm going to sound like a freak, and well, that's fine with me. I want to meet you at lunch when I know on your door and you let me inside to warm up. We talk briefly then I say "shhhhh," and slowly start to undress you. For each piece of clothing I remove you do the same with mine until we're both standing there completely naked and vulnerable. Two strangers taking advantage of a city of anonymity. Our hands explore and we stare into each other's eyes. We don't kiss, we don't fuck, we just massage each other until we can't control ourselves any longer and are about to explode, then we masturbate together. When we're done we clean each other off, get dressed, and possibly never see each other again. I'm 28, 5'10" in shape and very attractive.

I Guess I'm a Fugitive

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/272217689.html

You're looking for me? Why? Why me?

The author of this ad is looking for traveling cuckolds, which I guess is the awesome name of some college a capella group. (We're the Travelling Cuckolds! Behold our cover of Don't You Forget About Me).

The author is both real AND not a phony. What a combination. He's into intense pleasing while respecting one's limits. I'm totally into respecting one's limits. Some of my best memories are of limits I totally respected back in college. In the hobbies section of my facebook profile, it totally says "respecting one's limits." It's just so fun.

Anyway, we should me for drinks.

Im Looking for You!!!!!! - m4w - 50 (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-272217689@craigslist.org
Date:2007-02-02, 8:18AM EST

Hello, I'm looking for traveling cuckolds visiting NY or bored and lonely wifes and singles living in NY. for fun times with a nice caring honest man. I'm real and not a phony.I'm into intense pleasing while respecting ones limits.Lets me for drinks.

They were here a minute ago!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/271540806.html

The author of this ad poses a fair question: Wher all white women?

I swear, there were a bunch here like five minutes ago. Did they all disintegrate or something? The author doesn't want you to have sex with him, he just needs an email from you confirming that you and your white sisters are alright. How caring and concerned he is.

He actually should be freaked out. Queens is over 44% white, so if all the white women are missing, literally 1 out of every 5 Queens residents has vanished.

Also, the author is very oral. He includes a picture of him making a weird face with his lips. Considering that oral sex involves one's tongue, that pictures tells us nothing except that he has a mouth, which I guess is a step in the right direction.

White women lv oral men. Wait until this guy learns that other races of women enjoy oral sex, too. It will blow his mind.

Wher all white women? - m4w

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Reply to: pers-271540806@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-31, 8:46PM EST


I am very oral,, see pic. white women lv that

something....something else????

http://newyork.craigslist.org/fct/cas/271598144.html

I don't know if Fairfield, CT is the worst town on Earth to be alive. I think I could name a worse one.

I'm trying to understand this stream-of-consciousness: all inclusive of party in my mouth, party with "cock"tails, party re: get me the hell out of this place. Here's my best guess:.

Somewhere before the elipsis were the words "I'm inviting you to a party." These words were cut out by the elipsis, perhaps because our 35 year old Fairfieldian was too bored to quote them. Included in said party is a penis, which I don't understand, since this is a woman who is presumably bored and alone, so where is this penis she promises us? Is it our own penis? If so, you can't really promise stuff at a party that you yourself don't have. The party description then breaks into office memo format with a re:. Somehow, by having "cock"tails, we can get her the hell out of this place. I don't think you need a penis martini to get out of Fairfield.

i'm bored in fairfield......want to party????? - w4m - 35

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Reply to: pers-271598144@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-31, 10:54PM EST


seriously......is this the worst town on earth to be alive????? I would love it if someone else wanted to party like I do right now.....all inclusive of party in my mouth, party with "cock"tails, party re: get me the hell out of this place...."if it's the last thing we ever do"......any one interested, like now????

pic 4 pic....and u won't be disappointed.

promise