this one 4 u girl

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/305789324.html

This one goes out to one special girl. U know who U R.

The author wants you to call him!!!!!! This is weird considering the one fact I know about you is that you just called him.

In case you think the author fell asleep immediately after you called him, be informed that the author is up, and about, posting on the internet, and ready to eat your ass.

It's weird that the author gives you his phone number (with no area code, what is this, 1996?) considering the fact you just called him.

This slice of life ends in a cliffhanger. The author reveals that he will cum by to eat Keesha's ass if... If what!? Keesha, for all of us, you gotta call to find out!

THIS IS FOR KEESHA THAT JUST CALLED ME FROM JAMAICA QUEENS - m4w - 27

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Reply to: pers-305789324@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-04, 2:25AM EDT


CALL ME !!!!!!!!!!!!SEND ME U R PIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE SIX ONE [NUMBER] [NUMBER] [NUMBER] [NUMBER]. IM STILL UP AND I WILL CUM BY TO EAT YOUR ASS AND PUSSY TONIGHT IF

This here boob is pasty

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/305577212.html

The learned and scholarly author of this literary masterpiece needs him an older white women. Just one white women, please. What kind? I guess a fu@#!ing one. I think I can guess what letters the @ and # replaced (c and k?) but I'm stumped as to what the ! is covering up. Does the author want a fuckling white women, perhaps? Ile love to taste one of those, too.

The author is a fan of ALL CAPS, which he chooses to drop only when giving his abbreviated race: P. Rican.

The author is also confused about his age. In the title of the ad, he's 23, in the body he's 21. Also, in the substance of the ad he says he's P. Rican, but he writes it like he's a Tennessee Forest Dweller with a second grade education. Conflicts abound!

I NEED ME AN OLDER WHITE WOMEN - m4w - 23 (Union Square)

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Reply to: pers-305577212@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-03, 6:38PM EDT


I'M GOING TO KEEP THIS SHORT. I NEED A FU@#!ING WHITE WOMEN. I NEVER HAD ME A WHITE LADY AND ILE LOVE TO TASTE IT. I'M A 21YR OLD P.Rican. I HAVE PICS AND I WILL TRAVEL ANYWHERE IN THE CITY. IF YOUR WHITE AND YOU WANT A GOOD TIME JUST REPLY. P.S. YOU MUST HOST.

Existential = Weird * Stupid

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/305271541.html

The author of this ad conflates the following two concepts:

1. Existentialism: the tension between the individual and the "public"; an emphasis on the worldly or "situated" character of human thought and reason; a fascination with liminal experiences of anxiety, death, the "nothing" and nihilism; the rejection of science (and above all, causal explanation) as an adequate framework for understanding human being; and the introduction of "authenticity" as the norm of self-identity, tied to the project of self-definition through freedom, choice, and commitment
2. Having a drink with a total stranger in complete silence, somehow signaling to him for no reason at all in mime-speak that you want to sleep with him, and then letting him into your home/bed/vagina.

Even deaf people don't do this, and for good reason. It's creepy!

This dude doesn't even have his own apartment/bed to take you back to. Doesn't that alarm you at all?

Further, the author wants to avoid a situation where you'd have to have a bartender hear you order drinks, and yet he expects you to "sip... drinks in complete silence." Where did those drinks come from? Maybe you should post a CL ad looking for a bartender willing to play this stupid game, too. Or bring your own drinks.

The author thinks this is romantic. You can tell he's a guy because his idea of romance involves a stranger, cuts out all of the talking and incorporates only looks and sex.

The author thinks this is a perfect escape from society's noise. Have you ever been silent in a crowd? All you can hear is society's noise. I'm no Heidegger (or Franzen), but I think the best escape is just being alone.

An Existential Date - m4w - 30

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Reply to: pers-305271541@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-03, 10:34AM EDT


I have a fantasy that I call an Existential Date, or 'Silent Date'. In it we email pics to one another, but we don't exchange long winded emails. After we both decide there's a possible attraction, we plan to meet somewhere in public like a bar of coffee shop. However, when we meet, we say nothing to one another, not even hello. Rather, we do whatever it takes to avoid any situation that would result in hearing the other's voice - a bartender taking our order, a stranger asking for directions.

We sit across from one another, sipping our drinks in complete silence, a bit nervous and probably congratulating each other for having gotten that far. We probably study each other's body language consciously or unconsciously. Finally, after we've finished our drinks we exchange a sign. If either of us sign "no", we part like friends, perhaps to meet again or perhaps not. If we both sign "yes", we go back to your place. Only after we've been together do we get to hear each other's voice. I can only imagine we'd have an interesting conversation.

I don't know why this situation appeals to me. Perhaps it just seems like the perfect escape from society's noise. And in a strange way somehow romantic.

Me: 6'4", in shape, very good looking, short blond hair (and don't worry, I have a normal voice!)

plz dont tell the dental ethicists

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/304575063.html

I don't have a D.D.S., but I think this is a bad idea. All day long, a denist has to deal with gross mouths and messed up teeth. So why would you think a dentist would find your gross mouth attractive?

Further, how sexy are you if you're in serious need of dental work? By revealing that you desperately need dental work (and quite desperately it seems), you're revealing that either

1. You have teeth poking out in the wrong directions
2. You have open sores in your mouth or
   
3. Your teeth are falling out
   

I'm in to all kinds of crazy things, but none of those really sound like turn-ons, to be honest.

Also, who are you to demand that this guy be a "licensed" dentist? He won't be for long if he does this, or are you not familiar with Section 2G of the American Dental Association's Principles of Professional Conduct or with the ADA Policy on Gift Giving to Dentists. Or did you at least see Steve Martin's least funny movie ever?

However, in your defense, the ADA has no specific rule saying "Don't trade root canals for hand jobs on the internet." So maybe you're in the clear.

are you a dentist help me plz - w4m - 26

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Reply to: pers-304575063@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-02, 6:18AM EDT


sexy woman in need of dental work. Will trade services with you.
Must be a licensed dentist please no games this is a real need and I am willing to provide a thoroughly good time in exchange for it.
contact me for pics

Attack of the GIANT BREAST!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/303405799.html

This ad cuts straigh to the point: the author has a giant breast! Thus, you should sleep with her. What part of that equation needs further explanation?

I urge you not to focus on the regular sized breast that sits to the left of and somewhat beneath her enormous sister. She doesn't even get a mention in this ad.

She mentions five separate times that she is a heavy woman. This is especially interesting given the brevity of the ad. Not including "and" and "with," the ad has 16 words and numbers, of which 5 tell you that she's a big woman. Over 1 out of every 3 words of this ad is "I'm HUGE." That's an amazing ratio.

All this generous, thick And sexy woman wants from you is to cover her cap fare. Why? Because in addition to having a GIANT BREAST, she also has a GIGANTIC THIN SKULL, which requires a huge hat to keep her head warm.

Hats cost money, people. $$

THICK And SEXY BBW with GIANT BREAST - w4m - 33 (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-303405799@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-30, 8:40PM EDT


just cover my cap fare $$
5'5 235lbs Beautiful and shapely

How can a baby pay you back?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/302936608.html

What is it that the author of this ad likes about wearing diapers? Does she think her ass looks good in Huggies? Does she just like being able to relieve herself in public? I'm surprised she made the brave decision to reveal this about herself.

Also, how does the author know she likes baby food? I guess when you wear diapers, it's not the biggest leap to say, "Hmm... Might as well try some Gerber's Strained Peas." I also wonder how the author can incorporate smashed carrot paste into something sexual with her creepy internet daddy.

I don't think any baby should look for a daddy who's attracted to their baby daughter, so I'm not sure exactly what "experience" the author is looking for. If the dad is looking for 18 year olds on the internet, I'm guessing his first "experience" at being a baby daddy didn't work out so well.

But I do give the author credit though. Only a real baby would confuse fraternal and paternal.

adult baby needs her diaper changed - will repay her Daddy! - w4m - 18

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Reply to: pers-302936608@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-30, 1:19AM EDT


I like to wear diapers.. have accidents.. have Daddy clean me up and play with me. I like to eat baby food, be fed... be cooed at.. sleepin cribs... drink from bottles...I want a loving dominant Daddy who seeks a REAL baby girl who will do ANYTHING to make her loving Daddy as happy as he can be. Must be older and must be somewhat experienced for me to get into the role. Please contact me if you have that fraternal instinct.. baby needs her Daddy!!!!!!!!!! And baby will make it up to her Daddy! ;)

I wonder what this guy pairs with a bagel

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/302433823.html

Hi, could I get some coffee and a donut? What's that? Out of donuts? Hmmm... Okay. I'll take a coffee and some hard cock.

In the great donut shortage of 2002, the above monologue was performed at Dunkin Donutses all over the city, thousands of times each morning.

The author of this ad woke up horny. It must be the fact it's 49 degrees outside! Tepid, not hot or cold partly sunny skies turn me on, too.

His genitals are so hard he could hammer nails with it. Instead, he'd like to hammer the most sensitive part of your body. Does this sounds like a good idea to you? I understand some women like it rough, but I also understand that women don't like to be bludgeoned like they're made of iron.

G-stop? Are people calling it that these days?

The author also brags that his apartment has been "photgraphed for a number of design mags." Why do I think that this guy may be imagining his boyfriend while he's hammering your ass, assuming you were hot enough to qualify (I'm sorry, youre hot enough for regular sex, but you're just not ass-quality this morning...).

Also, this dude surfs? Where? The Hudson river? I'm guessing he surfed in his Hawaiian youth and now, at the age of 35, is trying desperately to seem young and hip. Maybe he should stick to design mags.

COFFEE AND SOME HARD COCK? HOT/HUNG FOR YOUR WET WAXED PUSSY - m4w - 35

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Reply to: pers-302433823@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-29, 9:22AM EDT


Woke up so horny- must be the weather! my cock is so hard i could hammer nails with it but i'd rather hammer your cute pussy and if youre really hot your tight little ass as well..i'm handsome, hung -8 inch g-stop hitting cock, slim and very trim (swimmers body, sexy eyes, talented mouth, great hands) and am hot for your cute shaved or waxed kitty

Me: 5'10, 155lbs, very fit- surf and do triathlons, sane, smart, have a very nice apt- photgraphed for a number of design mags if you care about that sort of thing, love to fuck deep and hard, have great stamina, and of course play safely... sound good to you? off today and love morning sex

You be: 20-35y/o, 100-140lbs, spirited, open minded, well groomed kitty, fit, be a good kisser, (orally inclined, I want to taste all of you) ,be adventurous (a little raunchy is fine with me) and know that you're sexy all over, possess a dirty mind, be comfortable with this sort of nsa adult fun and are dd free and sane as well.. get back to me asap with a good description of yourself and or a foto