The title says it all

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/242394300.html

The author of this ad thanks you twice for reading. I like that, it makes me feel appreciated.

The title says it all, writes the author. And since the title is ">>>>", I think it's clear what the ad is about. Either:

1. The author has a sideways Christmas tree or
   
2. The author is looking for a thatched penis or
   
3. The author is looking for someone greater than greater than greater than greater than 38 or
   
4. The author wants to play a hacked version of Pac Man where you get four lives at once

Personally, I like a game of email tag, but the author suggests that those people who go on CL with the intended purpose of email tag move on to another ad (may I suggest "((((", another self-explanatory ad). I myself sighed when I saw "NO DRAMA/BS." I guess I'm not for everybody.

I like how (no black guys) is in parenthesis after ages 35-45, as if by desiring those ages it is somehow implied that the author doesn't fancy men of that race. Maybe she's unaware that black men exist in that age group.

>>>> - w4m - 38

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Reply to: pers-242394300@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-30, 10:21PM EST


Hi there, thanks for reading. The title says it all. Since someone on this site has nothing better to do all day but delete post, I will be more than glad to explain what it is I'm searching for. I am 5 ft 4, very fit, attractive with pics to prove it 130 lbs, and a Latina. If you want to play e-mail tag then please move on, only those real men are to reply to this ad. NO DRAMA/BS. Just looking for a sane, clean, very fit, attractive mature guy. Please have a pic to prove it. Also be between the ages 35-45 ( no black guys )and be able to host. Thanks for reading.

I'm more into postcolonial men...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/244306543.html

What is a colonial male partner? Maybe he's into S&M with subalterns. Maybe he's just really old and British.

I kind of wish I was the kind of woman for whom every one of her problems is solved by this internet gigolo. My fears about inevitable mortality, my insecurity about never getting into Harvard, my genetic predisposition towards high blood pressure. All solved!

This true gentleman is well-educated but needs to charge you to see him. Colonialism alone doesn't pay like it used to. His rates, though, are the best in town. How does he know this? Is there a big gigolo market where he/you can compare prices? He should be like Progressive Auto Insurance and quote the rate of three other gigolos to ensure you're getting the best rate.

Even if your family/boss (why the hell are you introducing your prostitute to your boss?) doesn't like this guy at first, you can mollify them by saying, "But he's a great value! You won't believe the rate I'm getting!"

If everything is included and there are no extras, I suggest really pushing that envelope. Make him hook up with another dude "for your pleasure," then tell him this fantasy you have about him cleaning the house and running errands, then lastly have him erotically go find you a guy who won't charge you to hang out with him.

Cultured Colonial Male Partner available now in Manhattan!! - m4w - 35

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Reply to: pers-244306543@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-05, 2:00AM EST


Ladies

Your problems have been solved! I'm available for weddings, business functions, dinners when your husband is out of town, revenge, whatever your hearts desire! I'm cultured, well-educated, I can talk knowledgebly on almost every subject, so your boss/auntie/colleagues will be comfortably be able to talk to me - you won't be embarrassed with me at your side.

I'm clean, d&d free, witty, charming AND a true gentleman.

And best of all, my rates are the best in town. Everything is included. There are no extras!

There's a commandment specifically addressing this

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/243983954.html

Lust is a deadly sin, but it's vague enough that you can claim that anonymous sex won't doom you to hell. But you'd need the late Johnnie Cochran to get you out of this commandment violation.

The author is totally straight. Oh, by the way, in midtown, totally = i want a dude there while i have sex with you. Straight = any male to male contact would have to be "incidental." Cause it's not gay if it's an "incident."

The author wants a laid-back atmosphere. Maybe having sex with a strange married couple isn't really conducive to laid-backedness. Neither is the business and financial capital of the Earth.

I think it's weird to want something you know nothing about. I guess I know nothing about Heaven, so why am I trying so hard to get there? Maybe I should be breaking some commandments, too.

I Want Your Wife! - m4mw - 32 (Midtown)

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Reply to: pers-243983954@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-04, 2:08PM EST


That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? I'm ready and for real.

I've never done this before, but I've seen the postings here with couples looking for this and I'd like to try it... There's something very arousing about the idea.

I should say outright that I'm totally clean and totally straight. So I'm not interested in unsafe play and I'm not comfortable with male-to-male contact (other than incidental). Other than that, I'd say almost anything goes... I'm imagining a very sensual, steamy experience that three adults can enjoy in a sultry, yet laid back atmosphere. An experience where we all are getting what we want. After that, I don't have anything specific in mind as far as what might play out. Do you?

A little more about me: I'm 32, tall, blond, professional, in decent shape, and I've been told that I'm relatively easy on the eyes. But I think more importantly, I'm also respectful, open-minded, and DISCREET. I would ask that you be too.

How New Jersey got its reputation

http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/cas/243390869.html

Jersey girls have a bad reputation. According to the stereotype, they're whiny, superficial, and bitchy.

This 40 year old Jersey girl disproves almost none of these terrible generalizations. First, she requests sex like she was ordering at a Chinese restaurant.

Woman: I'll have the "dick in pussy" action. Could I have that with condom?

I wonder if there's a three letter word for "dick in pussy" action? Oh well, better that she spell it out in case people knew what dick in pussy action meant but not the term sex.

If you still don't understand how sex works, the author proceeds the describe it: "I throw my legs in the air, you stick your throbbing dick in my pussy and we bang away." She asks if the reader remembers how it's done, as if I'll rack my brain thinking.

How can I forget, it's oH SO REFRESHING. Like Fanta.

The author notes how horny she is, but is willing to wait until the following morning for sex. Who even knows if she'll want it by then? Based on how many times she mentions how short she wants it to be, I don't know if the self-proclaimed sex describer will even still want it or knows how unfulfilling it may just be.

Lastly, NJ girls tend to be stuck up. A not skinny woman in her mid 40's who calls herself HOT may just fit that bill as well. Especially when, in the middle of the ad, she tells guys to please read the ad. She's picking a fight already. Well, I guess that's the tough attitude you need to survive in the Garden State.

Need 8 inches - w4m

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Reply to: pers-243390869@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-03, 7:48AM EST


attractive light skinned black lady, wants some quick "dick in pussy" action (with condom)..available Monday am only anytime between 6 am and 9..age, race no preference. Guys I only want a... quick fuck..10-15 minutes..I throw my legs in the air, you stick your throbbing dick in my pussy and we bang away .....remember how that's done? oH SO REFRESHING...for a "quick" pick me up....SERIOUS?..if so send pics.include age & height for response. will not be back to computer until late this evening (Sunday), leave info..you will not be sorry..and I hope I wont either...I am horny and need to fuck....stay up (midnight or so for me to respond) will exchange pic if chosen. I am 5'9, 155 lbs, mid 40's and HOT. GUYS, please read ad. short window of time. No long emails, if QUALIFIED AND aVAIALBLE "MY STATED time frame, leave #. This is a QUICKIE date (that could be on-going..if we hit it off)

Why they invented punctuation

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/243802244.html

This ad is very concise. Before any word is written, the author has communicated his age, height, and weight. Four words later we know that he is Italian and that he is looking for women with big penises.

This is the anonymous sex ad that William Strunk would write if he were still alive, but for a lack of punctuation.

Without it, the ad could mean any one of the following:

1. i love, too. please cum too my condo. very clean. u should be too thick. women a plus! i have pics
   
2. i love too please. cum too. my condo very clean. u should be too. thick women a. plus i have pics
   
3. i love, too. please cum, too! [a request that you make yourself about as clean as this man's condo] [the fact that, if he were giving grades on the standard American letter based academic grading system, women who are fat would get an A+] [the fact that the author has pictures of himself]
   

30 6'1 180#'s italian for women wellhung - m4w - 30

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Reply to: pers-243802244@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-04, 6:55AM EST


i love too please cum too my condo very clean u should be too thick women a plus i have pics

Maybe the Angels in Heaven

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/243511624.html

This post asks a question that I often ask when I discover used tissues that don't belong to me in the corral wastebasket: Who else is masturbating?

Sure, many people are busy imagining sex, but not me. I'm wondering about all the other people in the world who are doing the same thing I am at that exact moment. It's actually kind of a peaceful thought, like I'm one with a lonely universe.

This guy takes it a step further. He wants to hear from everyone else who is masturbating. Don't stop, type with one hand and continue with the other. Otherwise, you're technically lying. The author wants to get together, maybe for some sort of discussion group/nascent political party.

who else is masturbating - m4w - 40

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Reply to: pers-243511624@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-03, 2:34PM EST


let's talk, maybe get together

Bong. James Bong.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/243523535.html

I don't think this guy has ever even seen a Bond film. He writes, ""and as every bond movie let s go back to the room and have fun." What Bond film is that? The one where Bond is a teenager who buys his first copy of Hustler and 'goes back to his room to have fun?' The real Bond doesn't go back to his room after a movie to have fun. The real Bond has sex with women who tried to kill him in big factories or on ships. Other ways in which this dude differs from Agent 007:

1. James Bond would rather die than be French
2. I don't think Bond smokes up, thus no need for a bong girl
3. I missed the movie where Bond sits by his computer all night waiting to meet girls on the internet, using the pickup line "I live alone."
   

james bond looking for james bong girl - m4w - 30 (Upper East Side)

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Reply to: pers-243523535@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-03, 3:04PM EST


let s go and see the movie
dress sexy
and as every bond movie let s go back to the room and have fun

Just want to get in touch with you to see if you want to do something
I live alone UES, 30 old French photographer
Email me back if you want to know more about me