Anonymous Sex Roundup: August 2007

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Me Pretty One Day

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/cas/409685173.html

Most of the author's friends say she has a good personality. Such an unbiased non-self-selecting pool has to be accurate! True friends would tell you, "You suck to be around and are a terrible person."

Then again, if your friends actually tell you "You have a good personality," that may just be code for "You're ugly."

The author of this ad demonstrates a mastery of second grade writing skills. She uses the following complex sentences:

Im looking for some fun times.
I am a nice looking girl with a pretty face.
I have nice tits and loved to have them sucked on.
I love to give oral to a man I am good at it too!
I am an attractive woman.
I have red hair.
My breasts are size 42B and I am 5'7 tall.
I live in Westchester.

Each of these sentences has a subject, a verb, often an adjective, and not much else. It's as if this was a sample sex ad from an introductory textbook from some "English for Casual Encounters" class.

Either that or this 22 year old has let her kid write the ad for her.

sexy single looking for casual sex - w4m - 22

Reply to: pers-409685173@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-30, 8:40AM EDT

Most of my friends say that i have a good personality and fun to be around. Im looking for some fun times. I am a nice looking girl with a pretty face. I have nice tits and loved to have them sucked on. I love to give oral to a man I am good at it too! I am an attractive woman. I have red hair. My breasts are size 42B and I am 5'7 tall. I live in Westchester. Not really looking for a relationship but if it happens then for sure ill go for it! Well I hope to hear from you soon.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A River in Egypt

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/409445324.html

There's a scene in Les Mis where Fantine begins her life as a prostitute. Like many women who fall into a life in the sex trade, she feels like she doesn't belong. She's too good to be selling herself. The other women encourage her (which is strange in a competitive marketplace), telling her that they all feel that way at first. "You're no grander than the rest of us," one woman notes.

That is a scary thought.

One too scary for this author. He deludes himself into thinking that he's the one lonely, horny, but otherwise not bizarre guy who has turned to CL to get a woman. While there are a few crazies out there, (see: rest of this blog) CL is populated by an army of guys as normal and lonely and desperate as he. And with gigantic photographed penises.

The other sad delusion he's buying is that there's some perfectly normal attractive girl reading and responding to guy's ads, looking for that one normal guy. The truth is that, like a shirt in an outlet store, every woman on CL is there for a reason. No one is "too good."

Also, Yahoo IM? Who uses that? That's just weird.

We're too good for this. A Safe but Stimulating Adventure -- Yahoo IM - m4w - 31

Reply to: pers-409445324@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-29, 9:46PM EDT

Okay, you know who you are. You're too successful or normal to be reading CL. Or you're attached or semi-attached. You're attractive, educated, well-employed. Maybe you're between relationships. Maybe you're just bored or curious.

You're definitely horny. Or looking for something.

I'm in the same boat. Reading CL is a guilty pleasure -- only. If only to see what anonymity brings out in people. Athletic, attractive, employed -- and too single for whatever reason.

Tonight I'm curious -- and sure, horny. What is it like to chat with a complete stranger? Or to see if you can conjure that crazy rush? What do you really want when no one will know?

Chat with me, Too Good for Craigslist Girl. Why not?

It's safe -- I promise I won't meet you.

But it could be fun.

-- Too Good for Craigslist Guy

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

How I Met Your Mother

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/407781536.html

Hey Dad, tell us the story of how you met mom.

Well, gather round, kids. I always told your mom, she had me at "I am a complete whore." It all started when I read her online personal ad, posted at a little before midnight on a Monday. Sure I coulda gone for Not Your Average SWF or looking for my best friend, but my eyes drifted towards Stupid slut looking to be fucked and abused. I felt attracted immediately.

I quickly emailed her some tasks: marry me, bear my children, help raise them and nurture them. I also suggested a uniform: regular clothes. She looked disgusted, but as my slut slave, she had no choice.

And here we are today. And, my precious daughter, you remind me so much of your mom.

Stupid slut looking to be fucked and abused - w4m - 21

Reply to: pers-407781536@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-27, 11:47PM EDT

I am a complete whore that needs to be controlled completely. I will do anything you say and obey you unconditionally at all times. I am ready and willing to take abuse, pain, and humiliation for your entertainment. All my holes are open for you.

Please e-mail me the tasks you would have me complete for you, what my duties as your slut slave would be, and my uniform in your service (public and private)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

What do you think?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/405273121.html

The author of this ad goes on the defensive pretty quickly.

Her major argument for not being a whore is that, after some dude's brother walked in on her having sex, she started doing both of them and she still wants more men and will go on the internet to find some.

What's saddest about this ad is that this girl just wants attention. At least she has the (for lack of a better word) balls to back up her big talk, but bragging about being a whore is just telling everyone what low self esteem you have. This in turn makes you kind of off limits to guys because it feels like taking advantage of someone.

Ideally, if your vagina really is hungry, either act all conservative and self assured or start stuffing food up there. I suggest the former.

THINK I'M A WHORE? - w4m - 28 (Gramercy)

Reply to: pers-405273121@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-24, 7:03PM EDT

This guy I know likes to share me with his 22 year-old younger brother.

It all started a couple of weeks ago, when his brother walked in while his older brother was fucking me. Now, they both do me at the same time all the time.

Do you think they think I'm a whore?

They just left, but I still want more. My pussy is so hungry lately.

I'm 28, 5-4, about 135 pounds and have long, brown hair and brown eyes.

Prefer company.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Too Good To Be True

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/cas/403364655.html, http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/403368137.html, and http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/403374064.html

These three ads purport to be from attractive, busy women who want no strings attached sex. They are from different parts of the city and have different color hair. I think this has to be someone's experiment though, testing who gets more replies (the brunette, the blonde, or the black hair or the queenswoman, the brooklynite, or the manhattanite).

The brunette only has brown. She never specifies hair. In a way, don't we all have brown? And who describes their hair as black? If you like the girl who does, right her back. The blonde is the type that will fuck you senseless before she exchanges phone numbers. I guess that type is "oddly more protective over her phone number than her vagina."

The ads are posted minutes apart from each other and all include breast size and hair color but do not include race. They all ask for some variation of fuckbuddy. Nothing provided is that specific.

It's a shame these hoaxes exist, unless they're for science. Then, at least share your findings, whoever you are.

I just want a friend with benifits - w4m - 28

Reply to: pers-403364655@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 3:04PM EDT

I'm your typical busy professional, but what I have in mind doesn't take a lot of time. My hair is blonde. My breasts are size 34B and I am 5'5 tall. I'm the type who's prepared to fuck you senseless before we exchange phone numbers. Or names. When I'm at home alone, odds are I've brought work from the office with me. I like my partners to be willing to lay down the law since I've been very, very bad. For me a perfect Friday night is a discreet encounter with a hot friend. Feel free to drop me a line only if you're looking for some discreet fun with no strings attached. I live in Queens. Contact me if you want to hook up.

sex buddys with no strings attached - w4m - 20

Reply to: pers-403368137@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 3:07PM EDT

I am a girl who is looking for fun. By that I don't mean exclusively sex, but it has to be a very big part of it. I like to have sex all the time. Here are my measurements. 5'7 tall. 36D breasts. I have black hair. I am interested in finding someone who is not scared to include the more personal side of sex like caressing, licking, giving each other a sensual massage, having a bath together etc One of the things I love is after having had mind shattering sex to fall asleep in each others arms to wake up there the next morning only to start over again... I like listening to music, going to the movies, reading books and magazines, fast cars or just chilling out. Looking for a man or woman around Brooklyn. Right me a message if your interested.

looking for a friend with benifits - w4m - 23 (Financial District)

Reply to: pers-403374064@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 3:14PM EDT

I am a teacher and a big sports fan--my favorite is baseball. I live in Financial District. I am a very social person. I have brown, my breasts are 36C, and I am 5'5 tall. In the summer months I am almost always enjoying the outside I like to spend time with my friends and family. I can also be pretty girly. I love to get manicures and pedicures and I am never opposed to a spa day. I am an easy woman to please and just looking for a fuck buddy, not a soul mate. Contact me if you want to hook up.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Chocolate Covered Anus

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/cas/402054631.html

The author of this ad is covered in chocolate and is interested in anal play. It makes you wonder exactly what kind of chocolate she's covered in.

The author wants some sexual acts. That's very specific of her.

She thinks that married men know how to treat the women like a queen. But the married men who cheat on their wives, by definition, kind of treat the women badly, no? So it seems that, by definition, the author's an idiot. Also, married men searching for sex on the internet probably haven't had oral or anal loving in years.

The author wants an attractive and tall but average bult guy. Me, I prefer a woman to be bult out of chocolate. No offense to other ethinociracygracities. I mena, everyone is entitled to say they want their men to be perferably married arent they?

SBW seeks white (perferably married) male for some sexual acts - w4m - 22

Reply to: pers-402054631@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-21, 12:14AM EDT

I am a dark yummy chocolate covered woman who is seeking a white male (pererably married, since they know how to treat the women like a queen)for some oral and anal loving. I am looking for an attractive, tall, average bult guy no older than 30. No offense to other ethincitities.. this is just my preference..i mena everyone is entitled to their preference arent they?

Monday, August 20, 2007

Family Vacation

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/401107529.html

The author of this ad is in Brooklyn RIGHT NOW. And if that wasn't hot enough for you, then check this out: he is staying at his aunt's house. What a playa!

He's in downtown Brooklyn. I'm not quite sure where that refers to. Brooklyn Heights? If he's surrounded by skyscrapers and such, he's actually in Manhattan. The two are easily confused I guess to visitors, assuming such visitors are blind.

If you're a woman who has never had a stroke before, the author likes to provide nice long strokes. How does he do that? Maybe he shocks you with scary news or electricity or a maybe he only hooks up with really really old women. Hopefully you'll recover your motor functions and health after one of these nice long strokes. Otherwise your family will say, "On the downside, my friend had a stroke today. But don't worry, it was a nice, long stroke."

How can the author be reach? Via a 917 phone number. I wonder how a California visitor has a 917 number. I f you know the answer, definitly get back to me.

IM IN BROOKLYN RIGHT NOW - m4w - 25

Reply to: pers-401107529@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-19, 10:36PM EDT

IM VISITING FROM CALI RIGHT NOW AND AM IN DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN AT MY AUNTS HOUSE. I am five feet eleven 165lbs and very attractive and well built. clean cut and have a 9 incher. This is my last week in new york and i would like to enjoy myself. im looking for a great encounter tonight. i love oral and love to provide nice long strokes. I f you can deep throat definitly get back to me. I can be reach via nine, one,seven-4-0-six,five,[#] [#]-[#]. I am looking to meet up right now and can travel if needed.