Maybe I am a Jerk

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/520061763.html

The author of this ad doesn't know why the women he dates leave him after a few weeks. He's open to the possibility that he's a jerk, but doubts it. If telling a girl before you meet her that her "mouth, pussy, and ass are for my cock and that I do things that may hurt a little, but that you must learn to love" even when she doesn't want to those things, then maybe you should revisit that "jerk" idea.

But don't listen to me, I'm not silencingly brilliant. Which I guess means when this guys speaks no one wants to respond. Which may not be brilliance after all, right?

Also, he wants women who contain. Contain what? Themselves?

Prolonged, nasty email exchange - m4w - 29 (Upper West Side)

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Reply to: pers-520061763@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-26, 7:02PM EST


I don't live in New York, or on the upper west side either, but I did once and am moving back in the summer. In the meantime, I'd like to pursue a written relationship with a sophisticated woman that might, in the future, be open to meeting, but who understands the pleasures of the imagination - pleasure that you can only get through explicit, honest communication.

Let's see - about me. I'm silencingly funny, brilliant, well-traveled, of approximately average looks, 5 foot 8, in good shape, masculine, well endowed with a voracious sexual apatite that not many women can match. Where I am living, it's hard for me to find a matching set of interests in terms of literature, cinema, and world knowledge. Sex is not that much of a problem, but communication seems to be. Nothing lasts longer than several weeks. Maybe this is because I am a jerk, but I don't think so.

About you - intelligent, expansive, possessing not that specialized geek mind intent on letting everyone know about what's going on on the inside at all moments, but a mind capable of abstraction and language play, that can discuss the common matters, but that can also take certain things as implicit. Be hight weight proportionate. No exercise fanatics wanted, and absolutely no dietary obsessive types. I love average looking, healthy, feminine women who contain.

About sex - You are open for me at all times. This means even if you don't feel like it, you understand that you are for me. Your mouth, pussy, and ass are for my cock and that I do things that may hurt a little, but that you must learn to love. The greatest thrill is understanding that you will learn to love them and that there is nothing you can do about it. You give yourself over to me entirely sexually, while your brilliant mind remains independent. You wait for me. You hunger to take whatever I give. You hunger to wait.

Wanted: For Humping

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/505981478.html

The title for this ad is, I think, written like an old time western wanted poster, as if maybe the author wants a hump dead or alive. I like to think of myself as a good lover, but I've never really thought of myself as a good hump.

There's probably a good camel joke to be made as well, but it's not necessary.

A good place to start any male-female friendship is a blow job, but I don't know of any British-spelled theatres in New York.

wanted guy who is a good hump - w4m - 22 (Upper West Side)

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Reply to: pers-505981478@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-11, 1:40PM EST


Do you like a good adrenaline rush? I want to find a guy adventureous enough to have sex in a public place. I always thought a good place to start would be me giving you a blow job at a movie theatre. If you're up to it, email me!

Tears of Joy

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/504847603.html

This 18 year old model (who thought she was 22 when she made the subject line for her ad) can command anything... but her emotions. Her body is "really super tight and sexy," she's a model and has sexiness, she's good in bed.... so why is she on the internet looking for sex? Hmmm...

I think this is one of the rare examples where an author should mention her major flaw (the sex-crying) instead of just keeping it to herself. This way we know why she's here. (even though it's obvious from the age discrepancy that this ad is fake)

Oh, and nothing's sexier than "Please email with pictures of your package!"

I cry alot but I am good in bed - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-504847603@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-10, 1:47PM EST


Hi, commanding 18 year old model lookin for interesting companion for nsa sex. I just wanna have fun with the right guy. I like erotic dancing for a great guy that can appreciate my sexiness. I work out all the time so my body is really super tight and sexy.Please email with pictures of your package!

Staten Island

http://newyork.craigslist.org/stn/cas/443781288.html

Hey y'all. Why people be making fun of Staten Island? Just cuz we pregnant and looking 4 oral on the internet doesn't mean we trash... husband out till next friday with some ho.

pregnant & looking - w4m - 22

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Reply to: pers-443781288@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-08, 8:02PM EDT


hey ya'll im pregnant and looking for someone 4 oral.. if this is your fantasy let me be yours... husband out till next friday

Watersports

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/419329993.html

The author of this ad considers "takin' a piss on a girl" to be a watersport, like polo or swimming. I guess it's appropriate that the champion in that sport get a golden medal.

Seriously, what woman doesn't want to be referred to as "toilet girl"? Who knows how many love songs have been written about the toilet girl, who looked as good as she smelled.

This toilet girl is also into virtual play. Because if there's anything weirder than pissing on a stranger, it's cyberpissing on a stranger.

CWBYWLL: Ohhh, my warm piss is arching upwards into the air
TOYLETGURL4: Oh, I feel it on me. It feels so warm
CWBYWLL: Oh yeah, it's splashing back on me.
CWBYWLL: Oh, no, I'm almost done!
TOYLETGURL4: Oh baby, I'm so wet.

This girl wants to hear the nastiest fantasies of strangers on the internet. I think she's handling the nasty fantasy situation just fine on her own. Personally, I can't be with a slutty girl like this. At best, I'd put one of those plastic toilet seat covers on her face first. Who knows who else has been there?

toilet girl - w4m - 24

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Reply to: pers-419329993@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-10, 11:54PM EDT


Any guyz into watersports...takin' a piss on a girl? Would love to hear your stories and what turns you on. 24 y/o female looking to be used or maybe some virtual play. Hardcore and dominant males only, who really get off on this type of thing. Would love to hear your nastiest fantasy.

Dialogue

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418368311.html, http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418397202.html, http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418387304.html and http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/418407784.html.

As there is in any public forum, there is debate on CAS. In the first post, a heavy tattooed woman posted an ad with naked pictures, asking for sex. She also posted a fairly lengthy list of requirements.

A reader responded with an angry post, criticizing the original author for stringent requirements despite fairly homely looks.

Another reader responded by saying that the original author is good looking in her own way and that it is unnecessarily mean for a person to criticize someone for being honest with who they are and what they want.

Finally a fourth reader greeted the debaters with the word "hay." He then began his contribution to the discussion as if he were writing a for...next statement. His drunken ramblings began "For I'm a big guy chubby." For what? For six words later, he retracts his statement and then adjusts it, "okay fat." He immediately defends himself "but with 11 inches ."
Already the reader is wondering, "What the hell?" And the author himself adds "what the hell."

But then the reader says what I'm sure many drunk and lonely guys were thinking: "I would hit that she look good to me she's not ugly."

Then he gets all racial: "Stop it then when the white chicks look for us black dude to service them you start that old bullshit stop it" I dont think the original ad mentioned black dudes. In fact, she limited her search to whites and Hispanics only. But somehow that old bullshit got started. And I join in this man of the people in saying it should stop. Hay now.

Looking for some fun tonight - w4m - 32

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Reply to: pers-418368311@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:08PM EDT


I am a 32 year old woman in Brooklyn looking for a younger man between 21 and 28 years or to have some fun tonight. I am really horny and need someone that can last a few hours. You must be in excellent shape, good looking, well endowed with a lot of energy. I prefer clean shaven guys with either white or light skinned hispanic. Please respond with a picture if interested and fit the requirements.

Re: Looking for some fun tonight - w4m - 32 - w4m - 32

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Reply to: pers-418387304@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:38PM EDT


1. LOL

2. So you're looking for someone in EXCELLENT SHAPE.... while you're at least 50-70 lbs over weight?

3. LOL!

4. You're looking for someone good looking.... while you look like that???????

5. LOL!!!

6. You want someone well endowed... why would someone good looking, in excellent shape, and well endowed want to waste their energy on a fat, ugly, monster?

7. LOLLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

8. Fit the requirements????? .... you should try fitting into your own league sweety. You're really really reaching with your post.

9. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. Get Real

Re: Looking for fun tonight - 32 - w4m

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Reply to: pers-418397202@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:55PM EDT


Wow, you're an insensitive dick dude. I think she looks fine and I happen to like that body type and she has the right to look for whatever she wants. If you're so fucking hot and great, then why are you at home putting up lame ass mean shit on CL instead of going out and being the best stud you can be? As for me, I'm just chilling tonight, however for you...

Answer: Maybe it's cause you're an asshole.

Re:Re: Looking for fun tonight - 32 - w4m - m4w - 38

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Reply to: pers-418407784@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-10, 12:14AM EDT


hay,
For I'm a big guy chubby okay fat but with 11 inches what the hell I would hit that she look good to me she's not ugly. Stop it then when the white chicks look for us black dude to service them you start that old bullshit stop it

IThink Ur Weird?Xtra Weird

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/414131252.html

The author of this ad likes abbreviating. She replaces "Extra" with "Xtra" and "You" with "U". She even just takes out spaces when she feels they're not necessary. I wish this was the weirdest part of the ad. It's not.

This woman is not only turned on by a large, hairy ass, but is turned on by people who try desperately to lose weight and are frustrated and unable to do so. A soup of your fat, hair and sad failure is her aphrodisiac. In the only full and complete sentence in her ad, she asks you if you feel like you are the victim of a supernatural curse causing your ass to stay fat. Only if you are so angry and distraught that you've considered that demons are ruining your ass will this woman be into you.

Also she likes butt sniffing.

She describes herself as normal. And the fact is, she may as well be. Predicting what women want is a difficult if not impossible process. I'm sure this woman is totally normal-seeming in real life and there are dozens of nice dudes trying to win her affections. And they're failing and beating themselves up for it. And little do they know that they don't have a chance because predicting what any given woman wants is like predicting the stock market. There are general trends, but if anyone was even remotely reliably accurate at it, they'd be a billionaire.

UHave Tree Trunk Thighs?Xtra Junk In Ur Trunk? Hairy Lower Body? - w4m - 29

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Reply to: pers-414131252@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 10:24PM EDT


Do you feel like you have a curse? You can not lose weight in your ass and thighs no matter what you do? I think it's hot. A guy who is fit up top with huge thighs and a chunky hairy butt, size 34", 36", 38" waist. Into butt sniffing and worship. Safe, serious. My fetish is weird but I am good looking, normal.