Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Maybe I am a Jerk

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/520061763.html

The author of this ad doesn't know why the women he dates leave him after a few weeks. He's open to the possibility that he's a jerk, but doubts it. If telling a girl before you meet her that her "mouth, pussy, and ass are for my cock and that I do things that may hurt a little, but that you must learn to love" even when she doesn't want to those things, then maybe you should revisit that "jerk" idea.

But don't listen to me, I'm not silencingly brilliant. Which I guess means when this guys speaks no one wants to respond. Which may not be brilliance after all, right?

Also, he wants women who contain. Contain what? Themselves?

Prolonged, nasty email exchange - m4w - 29 (Upper West Side)


Reply to: pers-520061763@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-26, 7:02PM EST


I don't live in New York, or on the upper west side either, but I did once and am moving back in the summer. In the meantime, I'd like to pursue a written relationship with a sophisticated woman that might, in the future, be open to meeting, but who understands the pleasures of the imagination - pleasure that you can only get through explicit, honest communication.

Let's see - about me. I'm silencingly funny, brilliant, well-traveled, of approximately average looks, 5 foot 8, in good shape, masculine, well endowed with a voracious sexual apatite that not many women can match. Where I am living, it's hard for me to find a matching set of interests in terms of literature, cinema, and world knowledge. Sex is not that much of a problem, but communication seems to be. Nothing lasts longer than several weeks. Maybe this is because I am a jerk, but I don't think so.

About you - intelligent, expansive, possessing not that specialized geek mind intent on letting everyone know about what's going on on the inside at all moments, but a mind capable of abstraction and language play, that can discuss the common matters, but that can also take certain things as implicit. Be hight weight proportionate. No exercise fanatics wanted, and absolutely no dietary obsessive types. I love average looking, healthy, feminine women who contain.

About sex - You are open for me at all times. This means even if you don't feel like it, you understand that you are for me. Your mouth, pussy, and ass are for my cock and that I do things that may hurt a little, but that you must learn to love. The greatest thrill is understanding that you will learn to love them and that there is nothing you can do about it. You give yourself over to me entirely sexually, while your brilliant mind remains independent. You wait for me. You hunger to take whatever I give. You hunger to wait.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Wanted: For Humping

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/505981478.html

The title for this ad is, I think, written like an old time western wanted poster, as if maybe the author wants a hump dead or alive. I like to think of myself as a good lover, but I've never really thought of myself as a good hump.

There's probably a good camel joke to be made as well, but it's not necessary.

A good place to start any male-female friendship is a blow job, but I don't know of any British-spelled theatres in New York.

wanted guy who is a good hump - w4m - 22 (Upper West Side)


Reply to: pers-505981478@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-11, 1:40PM EST


Do you like a good adrenaline rush? I want to find a guy adventureous enough to have sex in a public place. I always thought a good place to start would be me giving you a blow job at a movie theatre. If you're up to it, email me!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Tears of Joy

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/504847603.html

This 18 year old model (who thought she was 22 when she made the subject line for her ad) can command anything... but her emotions. Her body is "really super tight and sexy," she's a model and has sexiness, she's good in bed.... so why is she on the internet looking for sex? Hmmm...

I think this is one of the rare examples where an author should mention her major flaw (the sex-crying) instead of just keeping it to herself. This way we know why she's here. (even though it's obvious from the age discrepancy that this ad is fake)

Oh, and nothing's sexier than "Please email with pictures of your package!"

I cry alot but I am good in bed - w4m - 22


Reply to: pers-504847603@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-10, 1:47PM EST


Hi, commanding 18 year old model lookin for interesting companion for nsa sex. I just wanna have fun with the right guy. I like erotic dancing for a great guy that can appreciate my sexiness. I work out all the time so my body is really super tight and sexy.Please email with pictures of your package!